Magnetic Truths of Life

Source: sciencea-z.com

My son pulled out a few magnets to experiment with during homeschool the other day.  I don't care how old I get, or how many times I've played around with magnets, they always fascinate me--how they move, and how they get other things to move, without even touching them. We both played around with how the like poles repelled each other, and saw how the opposite poles attracted each other, sticking together in a powerful bond.

Thinking back on it, God continues to show me several truths about parenting through our magnetic play that day.  One thing that stands out was how my son could hold the south poles of each magnet very close together, even close enough to touch.  But the minute he'd let them go, they'd rapidly fly apart.  The north poles would do the same, getting forced together, only to snap apart when he'd release his grip.

It reminds me of how I often try to use rules, rewards, and punishments to manage the behavior of my children.  Like holding like poles together, I will foolishly trust that these outward measures will bring lasting change to their lives.  But this never works, of course!  Even if it does work in the short term, I realize that one day, my children will grow bigger than me, and they will move out on their own.  Like those magnets, the minute my grip is released, they will fly off in the direction they intend to go, toward their natural, fleshly nature of sin and lostness.

In truth, God never designed the law to change us outwardly, but instead, to point us to our need for change from the inside-out. You see, it takes God changing the polarity of our hearts, through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit, to produce lasting change in our lives, and this holds true for our children, as well.

I love how Paul Tripp distills this truth down in his book, Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family:

"Your children need God's law, but you cannot ask the law to do what only grace can accomplish."

So often I must stop and remind myself that rules, rewards, punishments, corrections, and lectures (even my best ones!) have no real power to rescue my children from their sinful, foolish ways.  It cannot produce in them godly hearts, making them people who are eager to make wise and moral choices and love others well.  Only God, through His grace, can change them into the people I long for them to be!

On that same morning at our schoolroom table, I also watched my son play with paper clips and a magnet.  When he rubbed a paper clip along the magnet, it became magnetized.  Almost miraculously, this paper clip could then be used like a magnet, able to pick up other paper clips, all by itself! This observation reminded me of a sermon I had heard many years ago from Pastor David Jeremiah.  He likened Jesus to a magnet and discussed the truth of how the more time we spend with Jesus, the more we became "magnetized" in a sense--more Christ-like and useful for His kingdom work.

Oh, how I pray that as I spend time with God in prayer and through the reading of His holy word, He will make me more like Him!  May His grace, love, and patience repolarize my heart, as I teach and train my children in the ways of righteousness, and may they see Christ when they look at me!

I am often in awe at how God's truth can be impressed upon us, even through the simple work of magnets and paper clips, during a mundane homeschooling day!

May we never forget that God is with us, able to change us from the inside-out, faithful to make us more like Him!  For those of us parents, may we always be reminded that we ought to use the law rightly in our homes--to point us and our children to our need for Jesus--and not to wield it as a weapon to outwardly control our children's behavior, to no avail.

May God, and His magnetic truths of life, empower us to live godly lives, and train godly children, today!

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Respecting Our Sons

Source: beautyworthsharing.com

I've always been aware that parenting my son is very different from parenting my two daughters.

For one, there is the task of sewing knee patches into pants, stepping over remote-controlled car ramps, and the seemingly endless business of fort building and tree climbing.

But there is also a very important distinction as I parent a boy, and that involves the rather daunting subject of respect.

You see, even from those early toddler years, I noticed that this boy--this "boy-man," I like to call him--responded to me in a different way from my first-born daughter.

For one, he seemed to need more eye-contact and direct addressing.

He also seemed to get more angry when decisions were made for him, and when he felt that he had no say in day-to-day matters.  He'd have tantrums when we had to leave a playground or wait in a line, and it took me years to understand that I needed to give him clearly laid out verbal expectations for particular places or situations.

He also needed to have his questions answered and his thoughts heard, way more often than my daughter did.

And even though he still snuggles in for a hug and likes to hear the words I love you, he doesn't really settle down or seem truly satisfied until he feels respected.

This past summer I was able to dive into this subject of respect by reading Emerson Eggerich's book, Mother & Son: The Respect Effect.  It made me stop and think about the importance of mutual respect in our relationship, what it looks like, and how truly weighty it is for how my son gives and receives love.

While I was reading the book, I remember asking my son which he'd rather have: love or respect.

I'll never forget his answer: "What's the difference.  Aren't they the same?"

I was shocked by his response!

No! They are not! 

I can respect the President of the United States but not love him (okay, this particular administration is difficult to respect, but I hope you can see what I am driving at!).

But to my son, love and respect are the same.

My son feels genuinely unloved when he feels disrespected.  And he feels genuinely loved when he feels respected.  They are intimately linked to him, synonymous.

So, what exactly does respect look like with my son, who is younger, less mature, and not-as-wise as me?

Well, this is how it has fleshed out over the past six months, as I've made myself more aware of his need for respect, as I aim to love him well as a mother.  Please, allow me to put this in a bullet-list format, for the sake of ease.

Respecting my son looks like:

• having a positive regard towards him, no matter what he does or says
• verbally expressing clear and fair consequences (some of which he has a say in...oh, and trying my best to faithfully adhere to them!)
• validating him as a leader, whenever possible
• making eye-to-eye contact, moderating the tone and volume of my voice when I confront him
• saying to him: "I am sorry. Will you forgive me for being disrespectful to you?"
• inviting him to say: "Mom, I feel like you are not respecting me."
• listening to his thoughts and opinions, as best as I can.
• talking about manhood with him and what "real men" do and say
• saying things like "I can respect that" or "I respect that" when he talks about doing, or does, particular things worth esteeming
• simply saying, "I respect you," instead of "I love you" all the time

It has taken a lot of humble prayer on my part, asking God how I can come alongside of my son, respecting him as the special "boy-man" God has made him to be, as I also command respect from him in the role of authority I have as his mother. 

This can be difficult when I am jarred by my son's sin and shortcomings!  And I am never perfect in this parenting gig myself! But I am trying to accept that he is not perfect, will never be perfect, and neither am I; we both need Jesus' grace and unconditional love and forgiveness, every minute of every day, and we need to run to Him...together!

If you have a son, I'd encourage you to get a copy of this book and prayerfully read it (and implement it!) for yourself and your family.

I pray that we parents would continue to learn and grow in the high calling that we have as Christians, resting in the promise of our Father to guide us and lead us as we parent our children for His glory!

"He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young."  Isaiah 40:11

May God help us as we try to respect our sons and love them well!

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A Tsunami of Grace

source: solan.annafora.co

I keep thinking back to last Thursday, a day when I did a huge face-plant in my battle against anger as I parent my children.

It began innocently enough--while trying to cajole my oldest daughter to swallow a pill for her cough. I had decided that she was old enough, had already tried multiple times with moderate success, and gosh-darn-it she was going to master this life skill...that day.  I'll just fast-forward through the messy details, but suffice it to say, she was not having it. 

And so, we came toe-to-toe in a smack down of wills that left us both reeling and, by God's grace, running to Jesus, together.

I still do not understand what happened, exactly.

It was sort of like a tidal wave that came in, then back out, and we were left soaked (and not just metaphorically, I might add, as her refusal to swallow a pill involved spitting out multiple glasses of water).  It snuck up behind us, as we were wading up to our ankles, digging up seashells with our toes, and then the wave overtook us, and the sand beneath our feet shifted, and we were left gasping for breath, sputtering in surprise, and fear, and shock, staring at each other and silently assessing the matter of whether or not we were both OK.

Was that a tsunami wave of adulthood that just nearly wiped us out?

Was she exerting her will...and was I realizing there wasn't one little thing I could do about it?

Was I crazy?  Or sane?  Or both?

Angry or scared?  Or both?

Was she, is she, my daughter, or a woman...or both?

Or maybe I am thinking of this all wrong.

Maybe it came in more like the tide...inching in, almost imperceptibly, until we both realized--looking eye-to-eye, as we are close to the same stature these days--that our beach towels are soaked and the sandcastle we have built over these last few hours has become a soggy clump of sand.

But, for all the craziness of that fight, I am thankful that by God's grace, we ran to Him.

The ancient Romans have a saying: Ira furor brevis est, "anger is a brief madness."  I am glad that Jesus Christ is my--is our--sanity.

"At the end of the days I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever..."  Daniel 4:34a

My daughter and I sat cross-legged together in the middle of her bed with a box of tissues, holding hands, crying out to our Heavenly Father in prayer for forgiveness and for His help to enable us to love each other well, all to the sound of our soggy clothes thump-thump-thumping in the dryer across the hall.

We wiped each other's tears, squeezed each other close in a hug (when did she become so bosomy?), and told each other we didn't want to go down that dark and angry road again.

We walked past that fallen sand castle, moved our towels up closer to the dunes, bent down together on our knees, and sunk our hands deep into the sand to rebuild.

Relationships are like that:  Messy.  Real.  Unpredictable.  Chaotic.

Sigh.

I think what surprises me most is how angry I got, and how quickly it came on (as if I should be surprised by my sin and my continual need of God's extravagant grace!).

I concur with the words of author Anne Lamott: "[Kids] help you see that you are as mad as a hatter, capable of violence just because Alvin and the Chipmunks are singing when you are trying to have a nice spiritual moment thinking about ashes [on Ash Wednesday]."

Amen, sister.

Mercy.

The reality is I am a worse mother than I ever feared, but God is more gracious than I could have ever hoped.

Author Melissa Kruger so eloquently puts it:

A grace-based response to both success and failure [in parenting] is worship.  When we find ourselves growing into the moms we hope to be, we overflow with praise to the One who is at work in our hearts.  When we find ourselves failing once again, we thank God that our sins are fully paid for in Jesus.  His grace is sufficient for our weakness." --from Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood

I know this won't be the only argument, the only bump in the road, the only battle of wills I'll survive with that daughter, and with the two children coming up alongside her.  But I am grateful that Jesus sees, knows, and covers us all in His grace.

Jesus, wash me clean in the never-ending tsunami of your grace.  Soak us to the bone with your righteousness, in every minute of every day.

Thank you that you are our sanity.

For YOU are our only hope!

AMEN.

Source: ognature.com

1

Kids Are Not Carry-Ons

Source: businessinsider.com

Sometimes, I think my kids are my carry-on luggage.

I pack them full of all the things they need: God's Word.  Clean underwear.  Good books. Up-to-date immunization records.  A new toothbrush and toothpaste.

And I am ready to roll them on-board, right alongside me, on my mission with God, in my life, tucked close by my feet or just overhead, as part of my plan, on my travel itinerary.

But then, I arrive at the gate, and maybe the flight is overbooked, or my bag is too bulky, and I am asked by an attendant to check it at the gate.

"It will be there on the jetway when you arrive at your destination," they assure me.

And I have to part with it, and trust, as a big orange tag gets looped through its handles, and I must let it go.

For it was never intended to be carried-on at all, as it turns out!

And so I let it go, and step aboard the plane, and trust and pray and part--knowing it's in good hands--it will get to where it needs to go, all in good time, just as it needs to be.

But I feel a bit lost without it--lighter, but lost--and I settle into my seat and order my drink and know that we are both on this plane--in His hands--and He knows the way and will get us both to where we need to be.

"I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread."  Psalm 37:25

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Kids are Like Mushrooms

Source: wallpaperflare.com

I've often thought how kids are like mushrooms...

So much of what is in their minds and souls and spirits is hidden: a network of mycelial threads, coursing through dark, rich soil.

Source: alamy.com

So much of what they are learning, what they are thinking, and how they are processing lies deep below the surface.

It can be frustrating as a parent, teacher, or mentor (or all three!) when you work and pray and toil and sow true, good, and beautiful things in their hearts, but do not see much return.

How do you know if you are making an impact on their lives?

And then, BOOM, a mushroom appears, literally overnight, and you are mesmerized by this amazing, colorful, fascinating thing just looming large above the soil, for all to see.

Source: pinterest.com

But be careful--these fruits are sure to tarry not, as they are gone soon, and often as quickly as they appeared!

Until the next time that is--often after a soaking rain--and a storm has passed, and you are worn out and frazzled and are not sure you can go on...

and then, just like that...

it appears once again.

Source: shutterstock.com

It took me years to understand that it never really left!  Those mycelial threads ARE the mushroom, you see!  They just put out fruiting bodies once upon a while, to reproduce and throw out their spores.  Mushrooms are always there.  But I praise God for letting me see a peek behind the veil upon occasion, to appreciate a wondrous glimpse of the work He is doing inside my children's hearts!

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  Isaiah 43:19a 

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A Peek Behind the Veil

I love it when the Lord pulls back the curtain a bit and gives me a glimpse inside the inner-workings of my child's heart.

Sometimes, it is a glimpse into their sinfulness, which at first leads me to despair, but then serves to remind me to put all my hope and faith in Christ and the work only He can do in their hearts.

Sometimes, it is a glimpse into how He is doing that transformative work, this very moment, amongst the chaos and the mess.

I found this discarded list, pictured above, in our family room the other day, after a week full of bouts of willfulness, tears, and time outs (for both parent AND child, I might add--a very common occurrence around here when homeschool starts back up!).

Nearing the trash can with it, I paused a moment to look it over before balling it up in my hand.

I am so glad I did.

Like the time God pulled back the veil between the supernatural and physical realms and allowed Elisha and his friend to see the heavenly army of chariots of fire protecting them (see 2 Kings 6:15-17), I saw a bit of how God is at work in my child's heart...

Prompting her to pray to God.
Calling her to love other people.
Encouraging her to pray for others.
Wooing her to trust in God.
And even reminding her to connect with others through a written word.

I trust that my daughter truly sees these things modeled and lived out in front of her, albeit imperfectly most times, and that she is growing stronger roots of faith each day.

It is little treasures like this that give me pause...and praise...and provide an encouragement to press on.

So, I'd love to ask you, dear friend: In what area of life do you need to be encouraged this week?  Will you dare to ask God to show you a glimpse of the supernatural reality of the situation you face today?

I pray that you would, and that through it, you would be encouraged.  May we never forget that God is ALWAYS at work around us and in our children...for our good and for His glory!

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  Philippians 1:6

1

The Tech-Wise Family

Source: cru.org

I recently read a fantastic book about how we as Christian families can put technology in its proper place in our lives and homes.

It speaks to being more present in our everyday lives.

It speaks to how we can take a stand to protect our children from internet pornography and elicit texting.

It speaks to how we can encourage real learning and experiences in our home, but does so in such a way that it does not shun or shame technology use, but rather encourages us to place it at the periphery of our lives, to be used when we need it, for a specific purpose, and in a communal way so that it serves to connect us and enriches our lives, rather than disconnecting and distracting us.

This book is a relatively short read and is chock-full of great info-graphics and statistics from Barna, gathered as recently as 2017.  I'd like to highlight a few things I've learned from this great resource on today's post and encourage you to grab your own copy for an enlightening summer read.

Quite simply, this book establishes "Ten Tech-Wise Commitments"--one for each chapter in the book--which speak to particular rhythms and routines in your day: how you structure your time and space in the home, and how you work and learn, for example.

One of the most interesting parts of the book discussed internet pornography.  As we've discussed before on the blog, pornography is a real concern for us as parents in a relatively new tech-driven world where our children can be easily exposed to pornographic imagery, videos, and adult predators online.  However, this particular statistic came as a surprise to me:

"An astonishing 62 percent of teenagers say they have received a nude image on their phone, and 40 percent say they have sent one." The Tech-Wise Family p.169

We as parents must realize that our children may be exposed to pornography without the help of the commercial porn industry--just through the influence of their friends' willingness to explicitly share themselves online!  Andy Couch goes on to discuss the issue of pornography in our homes:

"So the best defense against porn, for every member of our family, is a full life--the kind of life that technology cannot provide on its own.  This is why the most important things we will do to prevent porn from taking over our own lives and our children's lives have nothing to do with sex.  A home where wisdom and courage come first; where our central spaces are full of satisfying, demanding opportunities for creativity; where we have regular breaks from technology and opportunities for deep rest and refreshment...; where we've learned to manage boredom and where even our car trips are occasions for deep and meaningful conversation--this is the kind of home that can equip all of us with an immune system strong enough to resist pornography's foolishness." p. 173

Another enlightening part of the book centers around the concept of rest and sabbath (for more on that, check out this post!).  Andy encourages each of us to take an "electronic Sabbath" one hour a day, one day a week, and one week out of every year, both individually and as a family.  I love this idea, especially as it can help protect the dinner hour each night and allow you to have devoted family time to connect on a regular basis.

Lastly, Andy speaks to the importance of worshiping together as a family, making and singing music in the home without the aid of technology.  What a wonderful confirmation of all the blessings family worship has given to us as a family this year! (Not sure what family worship is exactly? Check out this post here).  He states:

"And so worship is the most important thing a family can do....The home is the place where worship of the true God starts: the place where we remember and recite God's Word, and where we learn to respond to God with our heart, soul, strength, and--as Jesus added when he called this the greatest commandment--with our mind as well." pgs 189-190

And so I'd encourage you to come alongside me and take some time out and examine the use of technology in your life and in your home.  How can we and our families strike a better balance this year, using technology to enhance our life and relationships, rather than to divide and distract us?  It can get murky at times, but I trust the Lord will reveal to you, and to me, His truth and will for our homes as we learn more about this very critical issue we all face!

(Oh, and I'd love to give another shout out to a great resource that speaks to changing your phone setttings for a more present life in this podcast by Allie Casazza.  It's a must listen and has been a game-changer for me!)

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Porn-Proofing Our Homes

Source: manolaw.blogspot.com

As you learned from my last post, I have recently become very passionate about protecting and prizing my sexual relationship with my husband as the gift from God that it truly is.

However, as infrequently as we Christians discuss sex, it seems that we discuss the issue of pornography even less!

It seems a bit ironic--the world around us can't STOP talking about sex and pornography, while the Church remains quiet and withdrawn--and sex was created by God to be passionately enjoyed and treasured by His people (within the context of the marriage, of course)!

In my recent reading about sex and marriage, I came upon some very interesting information about one of the major causes of low libido among married men and women: pornography use.

Being a medical doctor, this truly surprised me!  From my years in training, I have always been well-versed about a whole host of other causes of low libido: depression, chronic diseases, low sex hormones, stress, side effects from medications...the list goes on and on.

But pornography use was never on my radar as a physician!

In truth, however, the connection between pornography and low libido (and other sexual dysfunctions) is quite staggering!

Let me direct you to one online article that addresses this issue and quote a portion of it here:

"Experts say the problem is less about the amount of time someone spends viewing porn and more about how the habit affects their relationships and daily functioning. Research on the effects of looking at cyberporn is pretty limited, but a recent study of Italian men suggests excessive porn consumption can cause sexual anorexia — anxieties about sex or a fear of sex that limits intimacy. And the findings may also be important in the USA, since recent research suggests increasing numbers of American men are checking out cyberporn. Looking at porn regularly can hurt sexual performance because people may start needing stronger visual signals to become aroused. For some people who look at porn regularly, having sex may no longer even produce a physiological sense of reward. ...And it’s not just about who took out the trash last time — one survey found Internet porn is a growing factor in American divorce cases. While most porn viewers are guys, about one third of visitors to pornographic websites are women, and psychologists say women struggle with cyberporn addictions, too." 

This is making an impact in the medical community today, too.  What follows is an excerpt from a medical clincial trial, published in September 2016:

"Traditional factors that once explained men’s sexual difficulties appear insufficient to account for the sharp rise in erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, decreased sexual satisfaction, and diminished libido during partnered sex in men under 40....Clinical reports suggest that terminating Internet pornography use is sometimes sufficient to reverse negative effects...In the interim, a simple diagnostic protocol for assessing patients with porn-induced sexual dysfunction is put forth."

Folks, these articles speak to how pornography rewires the brain, impairs God-given relationships, and severely affects one's health and physical well-being.

And, even more sadly, pornography severely affects those of us who are in the church.  Check out these statistics (from 2005):

• 47% of Christians say Internet pornography is a problem in the home 
• 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography.
• According to pastors, the 8 top sexual issues damaging to their congregation are: 57% pornography addiction, 34% sexually active never-married adults, 30% adultery of married adults, 28% sexually active teenagers, 16% sexual dissatisfaction, 14% unwed pregnancy, 13% sexually active previously married adults, and 9% sexual abuse.
• 93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to Internet porn before the age of 18

And these statistics are BEFORE the release of the iPhone and the prolific use of smart phones and tablets.  I can only imagine how things have only gotten worse as technology has made images and videos even MORE accessible in our daily lives, and at younger and younger ages.

So, what exactly does this mean for us as believers, and what can we do?

First on the list is to protect your marriage and get serious in discussing this topic with your spouse.  It is time to be honest with one another, and we must start with ourselves!  We as Christian couples MUST take a stand and have a ZERO tolerance policy with pornography in our personal lives.  We must not bring it into our homes or allow it on our mobile devices.  If this is an issue in our marriage, we need to seek counseling with our pastors and Christian counselors and get the help we desperately need.

Secondly, for us Christian parents, we must commit to discuss this with our children--both our boys AND girls. (Full disclosure: I stumbled upon pornography years before my husband ever did when we were growing up!)  Statistics tell us that age 11 is the average age of exposure to internet pornography for children.  We parents must get serious about installing internet filters on our computers, but we cannot stop there--we must be committed to talking with our children about making good choices when they encounter pornography (because given time, they WILL, even with the best home-based internet filters!  In fact, I have recently learned that the most common exposure to nudity occurs within friend-to-friend texting among young people, not commercial pornography!**).

Here's one such resource that I have found tremendously helpful in talking about pornography with my two older children, and I have loaned it out to many a friend!  It discusses pornography--what it is, where it is, etc--but also speaks to how it actually rewires our brains and what you can do when you encounter it. (I went through it when my children were around 7 years old, but that is up to you, of course)

Thirdly, this must be an issue for fervent prayer, on behalf of ourselves, our church, and our nation at large.  Use the statistics listed above or the infographic below (click on caption to see it enlarged) as prayer points, and be intentional to cover this in regular prayer!

Source: https://www.dio.org/safeenvironment/ffp.html

Friend, we can't sit out on the sidelines and be silent any longer about the issue of pornography in our homes, our marriages, and our churches!  We must have a NO porn policy, for the health of our marriages, households, and churches, and be prayerful and purposeful about this issue in our lives.

May we, dear one, be motivated in a fresh way to passionately pursue purity in our marriages and to model that for our children, while equipping them with helpful tools to use when they face temptation!  Knowledge is power in this area--let us not be naive any longer about the impact of pornography in our churches and homes.

Thankfully, there is ALWAYS hope for us and our nation when we turn, repent from our sins, and trust in God's mercy, healing, and grace!

 "...If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."  --2 Chronicles 7:14

(**referenced from The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper Place...more on that wonderful resource in a future post!)

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Prioritizing Sex in Your Marriage

Source: pinterest.com

Okay, today's post is a shout out for all my married lady friends, and it is not for the faint of heart (so consider yourself warned!).  But it speaks to something we'd all rather ignore and be silent about, but one that is vital for the flourishing of our godly marriages.  Interested?  Then read on...

It's been almost a year now since God laid it on my heart to seriously prioritize, prize, and passionately protect the sexual relationship I have in my marriage.

I can't remember what precipitated it, exactly...
Maybe it was the nearing of my 40th birth year and entering into double digits of marriage.
Maybe it was listening to my friends' comments about still co-sleeping with their children, rarely shaving their legs, and seeing how they used their bedrooms as storage areas.
Maybe it was when I began to make some lifestyle eating changes and prioritized my health.

Whatever the reason, I began to think seriously about the gift God has given to me--to us--through our sexual relationship in marriage, and it continues to change and challenge me!

Today, I'd like to take some time out to encourage you to do the same, dear friend, for great families are built upon great marriages, and we know that the Enemy has both in the cross-hairs of his weaponry because they serve to glorify God and reflect the truth of His love for the Church (for more on that, see Gary Thomas's book in the resource list below).

I'm going to keep it really basic today.  There's always room to grow in marriage, even for the best married couples!  But let's just start with a few simple steps toward growing a healthy, thriving sexual relationship with our husbands.

• Protect your bedroom:  For my husband and me, this means no electronics--no TV, computers, and cell phones--in our bedroom.  No distracting dings or alarms.  No possibility of introducing pornography into our marriage bed.  No office work brought into our private, most intimate space.   This also means great decor.  I used to think bedrooms should give off the "relaxation" vibe.  Not any more!  Last summer, I was convicted that bedrooms should give off the "hot sex here" vibe.  (Naturally, my husband has never been more excited to put down a bit of $ for some new art work and home decor items!)  The change was pretty simple really: we added some sheer curtains around our headboard, lots of battery-operated candles, new artwork that reflected our love for one another, some leopard print pillows and ottoman (a joint building project, which was fun to do together!), a faux fur throw, an essential oil diffuser, and an electric fireplace (our biggest splurge item, but still very affordable).  Just these few changes made us want to spend more time together in our room, enjoying a floor picnic or massage session in front of the fire place, enjoying more romantic lighting and intimate time together.  The only adjustment we've had to make is keeping our bedroom doors closed to the kids, babysitters, friends, etc, during the day, but it has been soooo worth it!  Listen ladies: your bedroom is not the place to store extra household items, files, papers, and NO co-sleepers!  This is a space for you and your spouse only (and perhaps the occasional visit from the family pet, if they don't mind seeing the wilder side of life!).  

Source: pinterest.com

• Prize your health:  What a fresh perspective a bit of scientific information provides! First of all ladies, we must understand how much our men give us in the GIFT of semen they share with us through sexual intercourse.  Basically, it is like a flu shot (no joke!), teeming with goodies like zinc and lots of other nutrients our bodies need to fight off infection and illness, given to us in the MOST absorptive area of our bodies!  (Isn't God's design soooo cool!) I recently learned however, thanks to Serene and Pearl (see resource list below), that this health benefit is only effective when you receive it TWICE a week.  (Now, I am not one to schedule, or ever want to schedule, sexual encounters, but I say this just for you to be aware of something to shoot for, if you do not already practice this frequency already.)  I faithfully receive my flu shot annually, and I, and a whole host of my friends swear by antioxidants and health supplements and essential oils, but I want to be frank with you today: you have a very powerful weapon against viruses and disease in that gift of a man of yours!  Enjoy it!! Secondly, studies show that no other thing we can do for ourselves can help us relieve stress and sleep better than having sex with our husband.  Oh, and get this, it actually can cure headaches!  (Being too tired or having a headache is no longer a valid excuse for me!) It is also one of the best ways to nourish your marriage in general. Unlike any other activity you can do together, sex builds committment, connection, and induces laughter between you both.  In the words of author and speaker Sheila Wray Gregorie, God truly intended sex to be one of the best parts of your life! (if it is not, then proceed to the last bullet-point, because God can change this for you...He cares and He is able!)

• Proceed with the proper perspective:  I recently learned (thanks, again to Sheila) that sex begins in our minds, as women.  Now, this is NOT how Hollywood portrays sexual encounters, so we need to be wise to God's design for things, ladies.  Hollywood portrays sex as happening when two people come together with a high desire for one another: they start "panting" (as Sheila calls it), get naked, and then have sex.  But we ladies rarely feel this desire/"panting" early on.  She says that for us, sexual desire starts AFTER we have started doing the physical stuff.  This has really been eye-opening for me, and I hate that it has taken me well into my second decade of marriage to understand this!  So what this means for me is that I can't wait until I feel like having sex, in order to have a great time with my husband in bed.  Instead, I need to make the decision first to go for it (either by initiating myself or readily accepting his initiation), begin to be physically intimate, and then the hormones will surge and I will enjoy myself.  Another important perspective to have is to realize we ladies want to feel beautiful and loved before we start making love, but for the guys, they feel loved as a result of having sex.  Understanding this difference has been huge for me!  I try to commit to making myself feel as beautiful as I can for those times I've already made a personal commitment to be physical with my husband--taking a bath in the evening, putting on particular essential oils, shaving...things like that.  (My husband is interested whether these things are done or not, but now I know to do them because they are important to me and help me relax...and therefore, have more fun!)  And for him, I realize that if we go a prolonged period without having sex, that would be like him not talking to me--he really does feel loved and appreciated through our sexual relationship in a very profound way.  Sometimes, perspective makes ALL the difference!

• Prioritize it in prayer:  One thing that has brought my husband and me closer together in the bedroom is praying together and for one another.  Sheila talks about this in her book as well!  Sex is far more than physical--it is just as powerful in the spiritual realm (if not more so).  What an amazing gift we can enjoy as believers, since God created sex and we are His children!  Last year, my husband and I started these prayer books, put out by The Unveiled Wife, where we prayed for each other in a specific way for 31 days in a row.  I am blown away that over a year later, my husband is still making lap after lap through this book, praying for me each morning.  While I am not going through the book per se for him right now, I too, have a monthly prayer journal where I have a section devoted just for him, and I pray through that section regularly.  But it goes beyond just praying for your spouse.  It also involves praying in the moment, in very specific ways about how you come together sexually with your husband.  For 14 years now and counting, there is only ONE prayer that God has ALWAYS answered, and that is to help me be available to my husband physically (when I am faithful to pray it!).  I've prayed this prayer when I feel too tired, when it's awkward, frustrating, whatever the issue.  (Now do not misunderstand: I stand very firmly against doing anything that BOTH of you are not comfortable doing together, for there should never be any coercion, shame or humiliation EVER associated with the marriage bed!).  But what I am talking about is those moments when I just don't "feel" like it, or I focus on all those ways my body has changed after having babies and I might not feel beautiful.  I offer up those prayer concerns to God and WITHOUT FAIL, He has answered me every.single.time.  Are there always fireworks?  No, I am sure not.  But I always encounter God in a fresh way when I see that He cares for me, cares for my husband, and He is committed to our marriage in profound and intimate ways, even more than either one of us individually!

Well, friend, this was not the short and concise post I had intended!  But let's face it, sex is never neat, tidy, controllable, and easily understandable either, so I guess that makes a lot of sense!

But I do want to challenge you, dear friend, to take a long and hard look at your marriage this week and the ways in which you culminate the covenant you made with your spouse in your marriage bed.  Are there changes you need to make in your bedroom decor or with your electronic use in the bedroom?  Do you need to prioritize your sexual relationship in prayer this week?  Do you need to kick out a co-sleeper or change up your evening routine to make time and space for intimacy tonight? Oh, I do hope you will strive to learn more from some great resources I've listed below! (And for my local peeps, I'm always up to chat...and giggle...over a latte sometime soon with you!)

May God bless you this week and infuse your marriage with passion and intimacy in a myriad of ways this week, dear friend!

Books and Podcast recommendations:

The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex (And You Thought Bad Girls Have All the Fun) by Sheila Wray Gregoire

Prioritizing Sex in Your Marriage Podcast with Sheila Wray Gregoire (Allie Casazza's The Purpose Show Podcast)

Foxy Mama: Part 2 Trim Healthy Podcast with Serene and Pearl

Sacred Marriage Gary L. Thomas

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Eli's Chilling Example

Source: regenerationandrepentance.wordpress.com

As a believer, God's word is to be life to us.  Instruction.  Comfort.  Wisdom.

But how many of us honestly tremble at the word of God?

We see this mentioned a few times in the book of Isaiah:

"But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word." --Isaiah 66:2 (emphasis mine)

I read a section of the Scriptures last week with my children that has made me do just that!  Quite frankly, it scares the bejesus outta me!

It is the story of Eli and his two sons, Phinehas and Hophni, who served as priests for the Israelite people.  Phinehas and Hophni were not faithful priests, however.  The Scriptures describe them as "worthless men" who "did not know the Lord" (1 Sam 2:12).  Instead of following God's prescribed sacrificial laws, they chose to dishonor God and take the best of the meat from the burnt offerings for themselves, cheating God from His due share.  In fact, if the patrons of the Tabernacle refused to give in to their demands, they bullied them, taking what they wanted by force.  And Phinehas and Hophni fed their father, Eli, this forbidden sacrificial meat, as well (with his knowledge).

Source: pauliemugo.com

As a result of their sinful behavior, Eli confronted them:

"Now Eli was very old, and he kept hearing all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who were serving at the entrance to the tent of meeting. And he said to them, 'Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all these people. No, my sons; it is no good report that I hear the people of the Lord spreading abroad. If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?' But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for it was the will of the Lord to put them to death." --1 Samuel 2:22-25

Now, part of me would like to sympathize with Eli.  He was a godly priest, foster father to Samuel, and faithful to God's service.  It is regrettable that his sons decided to sin and dishonor God, but can this not happen to any faithful parent?  We have no guarantee as Christian parents that our children will follow the example of our faith and obey God.  Eli rebuked his sons, and they chose not to listen to him.  Eli did his job, right?

But it is not quite that simple. You see, although Eli rebuked his sons, he did nothing to discipline them or stop them from bullying God's people and making a mockery of the priesthood.  He did not force them to step down as priests or ensure that they make restitution for their sinful behavior.  Moreover, he accepted the meat they offered to him and ate it himself.  Eli's example of eating the forbidden meat did far more to teach his sons what is right and wrong than his words ever could!

God in His mercy rebuked Eli through a godly man whom He sent to warn him:

"...'Why then do you scorn [Hebrew verb form indicates a habitual action] my sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded for my dwelling, and honor your sons above me by fattening yourselves on the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel?’ Therefore the Lord, the God of Israel, declares: 'I promised that your house and the house of your father should go in and out before me forever,' but now the Lord declares: 'Far be it from me, for those who honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly esteemed. Behold, the days are coming when I will cut off your strength and the strength of your father's house, so that there will not be an old man in your house. '"        --1 Samuel 2:29-31 (emphasis mine)

Do you see how God addresses Eli's heart here?  Ultimately, by failing to discipline his sons, Eli has chosen to honor his sons above God.  This man goes on to tell Eli that God has chosen to reject and destroy Eli's household ("all the descendants of your house shall die by the sword of men," 1 Sam 2:33) and both his sons will be killed on the same day.

Eli is given yet another chance to repent when God calls Samuel, and tells him all that will happen to Eli's household because "his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them (1 Sam 3:13)."  At the encouragement of Eli, Samuel tells him about God's curse in detail:

"And Eli said, 'What was it that he told you? Do not hide it from me. May God do so to you and more also if you hide anything from me of all that he told you.' So Samuel told him everything and hid nothing from him. And he said, 'It is the Lord. Let him do what seems good to him.'"  --1 Samuel 3:15-18

Did you notice Eli's reaction to Samuel's prophetic news?  Did it involve repentance or remorse?  No!  It was simply acceptance: let God do what He will do.  Eli missed yet another chance to repent for his failure as a father and head priest!  (Compare this with Job, a man who offered up sin offerings on behalf of his children, just in case they sinned (see Job 1:4-5)).

So I am left to wonder...

How can Eli, a chosen priest of God, get it so wrong?

How can he faithfully serve at the Tabernacle, mentor young Samuel, and yet fail so miserably in His role as a father and a mentor to his two sons?

However, instead of pointing fingers at Eli in judgement, I am left to ponder the lessons of his life for myself...

• How do I rebuke the sinful actions and attitudes of my kids, yet fail to show them a godly way out of their sin, through repentance and faith in God?
• How do I honor God with my lips around my kids, yet show them actions that prove otherwise?
• How do I benefit from the fruits of their poor choices, if it makes my day easier or brings me pleasure in some way?
• Am I faithful to follow through with godly consequences for my children's sins and protect those who could be hurt by their sinful actions?
• Do I focus on my ministry "out there," to the exclusion or neglect of my primary ministry of discipline and discipleship of my own children, whom God has entrusted to my care?

What about you, dear friend?  Does the story of Eli and his sons resonate with you, too?  Does it make you tremble, as a godly parent, as you seek to raise up the next generation of God's priesthood (see 1 Peter 2:5)?

May the Lord guide, direct, and convict us as parents as we seek to do His will and glorify Him in our homes!  I trust He will be faithful to do so, as we humble ourselves and tremble at the word He has for us today!

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The Lost Art of Catechism

In my last blog post we talked about a near-extinct practice that is wildly beneficial for the Christian family: family worship.

Today, I'd like explore another nearly forgotten practice that has truly blessed my family, and serves as a powerful aid for my children (and me!) to understanding life in Christ: catechism.

If you are like me, you may be completely unfamiliar with catechism.  Many evangelical Protestant churches have dropped the practice, and many other Protestant and Catholic believers only do it through a structured program at church, not at home.  So, allow me to briefly tell you what catechism is, why it is important, and introduce you to some invaluable resources so that you, too, can practice this with your children in a way that is natural and enjoyable for all.

Quite simply, catechizing is a particular method of instruction historically used by the Church using questions and answers.  It comes from the combination of two Greek words: "kata" meaning "down toward" and "echeo" meaning "to sound."  The idea of "katecheo" is simple: like sonar, the instructor sends out questions and listens for the echo, the answers that reveal the depth of knowledge and understanding of the student.

Catechism's aim is to give the student a rich, biblically-based theological framework from which to understand God, the Bible, and themselves.  While there are many different catechisms in existance (Heidelberg, Westminster, Luther's, Catholic, New City, Baptist, just to name a few) most of them teach basic doctrines on the topics of God, sin, Christ, salvation, the law, prayer, and the sacraments, among others.  Here is just a sample of questions from the catechism we use:

• "Who made you?" 
• "How can you glorify God?" 
• "Where is Christ now?"
• "What is prayer?" 
• "Who wrote the Bible?"
• "What must you do to be saved?"
• "What is sin?"
• "What is meant by the atonement?"

We see the practice of catechism throughout biblical history, beginning at the time of Moses and continuing throughout the Scriptures with the Jews in their synagogues, Christ with His disciples, then into the Church age: the early and medieval church, as well as through the Reformation.  Since it grew out of the oral tradition of Moses, catechism emphasizes "hearing and speaking."  This is in sharp contrast to the modern Sunday school movement of the 19th century and beyond, which emphasizes "doing and seeing," such as learning through flannel-graph scenes, playing games, and coloring pictures.  The other striking feature of catechism is that it is relationship-oriented.  Moses spoke of parents teaching the Scriptures to their children through all the daily activities of life (see Deuteronomy 6:6-9).  Likewise, catechism is best done in the home, between parent and child, and not out-sourced to other Bible teachers and preachers.

Now, just like family worship, catechism suffers from a host of misconceptions that I'd like to touch on in today's post.  First, as Christians in the digital age, we often mistakenly believe that there is no real value in memorization--can't we just access information quickly, at the click of a button, when we want it?  But memorization is remembering--it is crucial to understand that--which was one of God's repeated rebukes to His people throughout the Scriptures, who were so quick to forget the works and wonders He had shown them (see Psalm 78:11).

Secondly, we often associate catechism with mere rote-work that bypasses the heart and mind.  But quite honestly, catechizing is truly an art form.  When a parent asks their child a catechism question, the discussion has only just begun after they answer back.  This speaks to what I said before about catechism being relationship-oriented, and why it works best at home.  In this context, a child can see that catechism is so much more than merely parroting back theological answers, but instead it gives the framework for passionate, all-encompassing Christian living, seen and experienced on a daily basis.

Lastly, we all know we have limited time and mental bandwidth--ought we not be memorizing Scripture, and only Scripture, with our limited time and resources? we might wonder.  I was personally in this camp for a long time.  But unlike Scripture memory work, catechizing provides a child with a rich, biblically-based theological framework from which to understand and relate to the Scriptures.  For example, there is not one verse you could memorize that can explain an entire theological concept like "Why did God make me?" or "Who wrote the Bible?".  This is where catechism can lay the foundation for deeper biblical understanding for a child (and adult!) as they go on to memorize the Scriptures.

Now, you might be wondering what catechism looks like in my household.  We have been doing this practice for about seven years, starting when my oldest child was around four-years-old.  Like I mentioned before, there are many different catechisms from which to choose--some being current adaptations using modern English, others being simplified for children.  The one I have chosen to use for my family is the First Catechism, also known as the Catechism for Young Children: An Introduction to the Shorter Catechism, put out by the folks at Great Commission Publications.  I didn't think too long and hard about it--I honestly just used the one that was readily available (and only $1) at my church!

After we pray, read a Bible passage (or devotional), and discuss it during our morning Bible time, I simply pull out the catechism and we go over one new question and answer (or, if reviewing, we go over three or four questions and answers).  When we first started, we began with question #1 "Who made you?," and worked our way into the book until we hit question 16, which started to talk about Adam and Eve and original sin.  I then jumped over to the section about the Lord's Prayer, its six petitions, and what they mean.  We've done this in the past with the Ten Commandments, too.  Why skip around?  Well, it is simply because I want to dove-tail our catechism with what we are learning and discussing at the time.  We just happen to be memorizing the Lord's Prayer right now as a family, and I thought it was be great to catechize on this subject, too.  To be sure, we will go back and discuss original sin, atonement, and sacraments at a later time (remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint!)

One thing that has really brightened our catechism experience is listening to the songs from the Ask Me Whoooo CD series.  This series places the First Catechism to music, word-for-word, helping the children (and me!) remember the questions and answers more easily.  We use all three discs because, like I mentioned before, we skip around to various topics.  I'd highly recommend buying a complete set at this site, as you are able.  This works well for when we are riding around in the car, both to introduce new questions and to review old ones.

Ask Me Whoooo CD: Volume 1

I'd also highly recommend reading the book Rediscovering Catechism: The Art of Equipping Covenant Children by Donald Van Dyken, which goes into far more detail than I ever could about the history of catechism, why it is important to catechize your children, and also gives you a host of resources and information about incorporating it into your home life.  In fact, I'll close today with a powerful quote from John J. Murray, a Scottish preacher quoted in this book.  It speaks to why I believe you should consider adopting this practice with your children today!

"What was looked on as a necessary and beneficial practice by the early church and by the reformers has now fallen into such disuse among Christian people that very few seem to have any understanding or appreciation of the subject.  We believe it is to the discontinuance of this practice [catechizing] that we can trace much of the doctrinal ignorance, confusing and instability so characteristic of modern Christianity."

May you and your family be blessed as you take the step of faith to make catechism a regular practice in your home!

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Family Worship: What It Is, What It's Not, and Why It Matters

Source: alliancenet.org

There's a Christian practice that is so near-extinct, you won't hear your church friends talk about it.  I've never heard a sermon or a podcast about it.  In fact, no one I personally know practices it (besides my family and me).  And yet, Charles Spurgeon, Matthew Henry, and scads of other preachers talked about it in centuries past.  In fact, many say that it has been one of the strongest characteristics of the Christian family throughout the history of the church.

What is this practice, you might ask?

It is a little known thing called family worship.

My family adopted this practice last fall, and I am here to tell you that it has been a total *game-changer* for our family. Experiencing regular family worship has brought unity, identity, peace, and purpose into our family unlike any other Christian discipline we've ever practiced.

In today's post, I'd like to explain what family worship is, what it is not, what it looks like for my family, and why it matters...for my family and for yours.

So what exactly is family worship? Quite simply, family worship is worshiping God together as a family in your home on a regular basis (daily or near-daily).  It involves Bible reading, prayer, and singing worship songs together.  Like the proverbial three-legged stool, it works alongside private worship (prayer, devotionals, personal "quiet times") and corporate worship (church worship services) to provide balance and stability for the Christian family.

Now, what is NOT family worship?  Family worship is not just family together time or reading Christian books together (there is a place for these, but separate from family worship).  Instead, it incorporates the same elements we see in corporate worship (minus the sacraments of baptism and communion, which are only appropriate in corporate worship settings): reading Scripture aloud, praying together, and singing worship songs together.  It involves every member of your family and is led by Dad (single-mother families being the exception).

Okay, so why does family worship matter?

Well, let me back up a bit first and give you some backstory.

Like I mentioned before, I've never heard a sermon on this topic or known a family to practice family worship.  However, I came upon the book A Neglected Grace: Family Worship in the Christian Home a few years ago at my church's book table and was intrigued.  I bought it and quickly read it over.

And then I shelved it.  For three years.

Even though the topic interested me, there were a lot of misconceptions I had that hindered us from putting it into practice.  Now, you might already know that I have morning devotionals--Bible reading, prayer, and catechism--with my children around the breakfast table each morning.  While not exactly easy (depending upon their ages and attitudes at the time), it has been very doable.  It simply involves sitting down over breakfast, cracking open a Bible or devotional book, and reading while the kids are occupied and eating.

Family worship, on the other hand, seemed to have too many moving parts.  It involves both Mommy and Daddy, which limits the time of day it can be done.  It involves corralling our kids together in one space to participate in an activity that does not involve eating (although family worship could always be tacked on after a meal).  It also involves singing, which is not as comfortable and familiar for us to do together as a family.  And I also struggled to see how it was really any different from the Bible teaching and prayer we were already doing around the breakfast table each morning.  Did we really need to tack on another thing to our hectic day? I reasoned.

And so the family worship book sat for years until I rediscovered it on our bookshelf last summer.  In truth, I was pulling it off the shelf with the intention to donate it; we were growing short on bookshelf space and I figured if I wasn't going to reread it or refer back to it for any reason, it might as well be out of our home.

But something stopped me from walking it straight to our book donation bag.  Instead, I asked my husband to read it and tell me what he thought about it, before I passed it along. I hadn't shared it with him when I had read it years ago (oops), and I figured I'd give him a chance to look it over before we got rid of the book for good.

Well, he agreed to read the book, and then things really started to get rolling.

I don't remember the exact conversation we had after he finished the book, but I can tell you that it lasted approximately 5 seconds and involved just as few words: probably some amalgam of "let's do this," "we should do this," or "we need to do this," followed by my one-word reply of, "okay."  We locked eyes, and we just knew we needed to experience this grace as a family as soon as possible.

And so (with much trepidation and skepticism on my part!), we gathered up the kids in our living room at 7:45 that very evening (fifteen minutes prior to bedtime).  My husband sat on the piano bench, facing the two chairs in our living room with a Bible in his hand, and the kids and I sat on the chairs, ottoman, and floor, looking up at him.  He figured we'd start with a gospel first, so we all voted on Mark (conveniently the shortest) and he read a chapter.  Then, we polled the room for prayer requests, topics of which ranged from boo-boos to grandparents to pets I am sure, and we took turns praying with Daddy going first, kids going as they felt led to pray aloud, and me closing us out.  Finally, Daddy swung his legs back around the piano bench to face the keys, and we sang two of the few songs we knew from memory at the time: Jesus Loves Me and He's Got the Whole World In His Hands, with only right-hand musical accompaniment.

Fifteen minutes.  Bible.  Prayer.  Singing.  Off-to-bed.

Now, we've been worshiping as a family on most nights for over six months to date.  Family worship looks a bit different from when we first started (like individual hymn booklets and fuller musical accompaniment!).  It is truly something that we look forward to--a perfect way to cap our day as a family.  When it is getting close to 7:45, the kids enjoy the excuse to run through the house and call out "FAMILY WORSHIP!!!" as loud as they can so everyone can gather together in the living room.  We laugh about the fact that our cat often comes to join us, too, once we all get settled in.  If we have an evening commitment, or on nights we host community group, we do not observe family worship.  But for the most part, whenever we are home, on weekdays and weekends, we worship together and plan TV time, games, and other evening activities accordingly. 

Now, before you conjure up some Currier and Ives lithograph of the perfect family and think to yourself oh, isn't that just so quaint, that might work for them but never for our family, I must set you straight--it NEVER looks perfect people!  The kids squirm.  Some days they are hyper and giggle uncontrollably.  They often ask rabbit-trail questions.  The cat crawls all over us and distracts us.  We sing off-tune.  We play wrong notes.  Oftentimes, there are arguments over who sits where and with whom.  They whine and grumble about who gets to chose which worship songs we sing and in what order (and for how many verses).  Sometimes, I daydream and can't focus on the Bible passages.  Some days, we can hardly stand to even be together because of previous sibling squabbles or parental disciplinary issues.  I could go on and on.  This is real life (in all its messy glory) at its best!

No, it is never perfect!  But that is precisely WHY we do it: we gather together every evening knowing that we are NOT the perfect family, but instead, we are desperate sinners in need of God's grace to be poured out on us as a family.

Now, before I close, I must share with you how much God has blessed our family through the grace of family worship.  I can truly say that family worship has done what nothing else has for our family: it has given us a firm sense of spiritual unity, purpose, and identity as a Christian family.  It has defined who we are as a family: worshipers of God, first and foremost.  It has book-ended our days, so that we start and end every day reading God's Word, centering our day (and therefore our lives, and our family) on Him.  It has also fostered peace in our family, as we come together to calm our spirits and reflect upon God, not on the cares of the day (or the issues we have with each other!).  And unlike any other Biblical practice I know of, family worship reinforces the spiritual headship of the father in our home.  Unlike during my morning Bible time with the kids, I am reminded during family worship that my husband and I are a spiritual team, commanded and equipped by God to disciple our children together, with my husband at the helm of the ship.

I know you probably have scads of questions and doubts about the practice of family worship; I know I did!  Let me direct you to the book I mentioned earlier.  It will go into far more detail about the what, why, and how of family worship than I could ever tell you.  It also offers practical help with issues like having an unbelieving spouse (or a spouse that is not on board), handling children of various ages, scheduling, consistency, attitudes, etc, and shares real-life testimonials from families currently practicing family worship, as well as from grown children who were raised in family worshiping households.

In closing, I strongly urge you and your spouse to prayerfully consider incorporating family worship into your family life, dear one!  I can personally tell you that it has been transformative for our household, and I trust it will be for yours, too.  It truly is a grace to be had, and not a burden to bear! I'll end with this quote from Jason Helopoulos's Neglected Grace book, which says it all so well:

We cannot speak about the Christian faith impacting our world, our country, or our community if it is not first impacting our homes--and few things will bring our Christian faith to bear in the home more than family worship.  We cannot cry out for the need for evangelism and others coming to faith, so that there are more worshipers before the throne, if we are not committed to worship ourselves--and this includes worship in the home.  We cannot complain about our children wandering from the faith if we are not making it the center of their upbringing in our home--and though family worship may not be the only way, it is surely one of the most beneficial ways.

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Powerless to Save

Source: rate-source.com

I spent the better part of last evening crying out to the Lord--sobbing, praying, groaning--over the heart of my son.

Let me explain.

It had been a great day.  We had hosted a play date with some friends we don't get to see too often, enjoyed lunch, baked pumpkin pies and cranberry bread in anticipation of Thanksgiving, and played with neighborhood friends.  My husband even returned home early from work, freeing me up to go for a walk and enjoy the beautiful fall foliage.  But when I returned home, I felt like I was body-slammed into the sobering realities of parenting a sinner...like me.

I stepped through the front door and my husband was talking with my son in the front room.  He looked up to tersely inform me that he had received a text from a neighborhood dad, stating that his daughter had run home upset because our son had thrown dog feces at her and hit her with a tree branch.  While I was away for my walk, he had interviewed both our daughters to get the full story, and he'd set up a time to go over to the neighbor's house with our son so he could apologize to her.

At first, I was sooo angry.  I raised my voice at my son, threw up my hands, and stormed off to take off my tennis shoes.  What was he thinking?!  Dog doo-doo?!  How could he ruin a perfectly gorgeous fall afternoon with all this nonsense?  How could he embarrass us--me--in front of our neighborhood friends?  Doesn't he understand that I facilitate a Bible study with the girl's mother?  Doesn't he know how much I disdain uber awkward multi-parent/child conferences and apology sessions?

After blowing up and storming off, I got icy.  There were few words spoken to him, or anyone for that matter, during all the dicing, chopping, sauteing, and table-setting.   My husband left to pick up our daughter from a friend's house.  Upon their return, we all sat down to dinner.  We did our best at mealtime chit-chat.  After the meal, I pushed back from the table and retreated upstairs with a book while my husband started to clean up the dishes (bless that man!).

Curling up under a warm blanket on my bed, I escaped for a bit in the book.  I did this until my eyes felt heavy and I was ready to deal.

And then I rolled over from my side onto my back, put the book down, and wept.

My chest heaved, big fat tears ran down my cheeks, and I groaned in wave after wave of sobs.  This must have lasted for nearly an hour.

I prayed for my son's heart and I wept over his sin.  Oh, how those mothers must feel when their children are incarcerated, peddle drugs, and fall into all kinds of waywardness!  I mean, this was throwing dung, small change in the long litany of potential trouble my children could get into!

I prayed for forgiveness for myself and for my own heart--for placing my identity in parenthood (and in my perceived "success" or "failure" in this role) and for my sin of the fear of man and being concerned with what they might think of me...of us.  I prayed that God would help me to rightfully place my identity and self-worth smack-dab in the center of Him alone.

I wept over my powerlessness as a parent to change my son's heart.  The day's incident had transported me back to a time when my son was only one-month old, when I cradled him in my arms in a pediatric ophthalmologist's office, when his eye was nearly swollen shut from (what we would learn to be) a hemangioma--an abnormal overgrowth of blood vessels--that was pushing his left eye upwards and outwards.  I remember feeling so powerless on that day to help and heal my son.  All those years ago, I had felt powerless against disease.  Now I felt powerless to change his heart.

And, as He always does, God spoke into this time too, as I lay sobbing on my bed before Him.  For the first time in my nearly forty years on this planet, I was graced with the opportunity to experience a small glimmer of what He must feel, as my heavenly Father, when I and all His beloved people choose to sin.  Oh, how He must have wept when Adam and Eve took those fateful bites of forbidden fruit and hid from Him in the garden!  Oh, how He must weep over the ungodliness and sin in my own life, and over the broken fellowship that results between us when I sin!

And just like God, I cannot run away from my son in his sin. Did not God Himself pursue Adam and Eve in the garden, disposing of their forged fig-leaf garments, and slitting the throat of an animal to clothe them?  Likewise, I cannot climb into the boxing ring in an opposite corner from my son, fighting against him with balled up fists of anger and hate.  Did not God fight for us--not against us--doing battle with the Enemy as He died upon that cross for all our sins?  I, too, must choose to fight for my son, not against him, as I do battle on his behalf in intercessory prayer.

And so, when my eyes ran dry and my breathing slowed last night, I made my way into my son's room; he was already tucked in for the night, reading a book.  Kneeling at the side of his bed, I drew him close into a hug, ruffled his hair, and kissed his cheek...and I just loved on him.  Punishments had already been doled out, and now we were left with what God calls us both to do.

Love on each other.  Pray for each other.  And do a big ol' belly flop into the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I walked out of his room, pulled the door closed, leaned against the wall in the hallway, and remembered.

Breathe.  Trust.  Stand in my powerlessness to save and to change hearts.  And yet continue on, showing my children the way, pointing them to the Truth, and loving on them with all my might.

It will come.
One-hundred fold.
 

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