Just Plain Ugly

Photo source: Pinterest

 “One of the biggest sources of conflict between you and your kids is 

when they refuse to bow down to your idols.”  
--Dan Allender

I stand on the precipice of a holiday weekend and am in a serious state of prayer and reflection over my heart and soul.

Why you might ask?

Well, because three-day weekends historically get a little crazy up in our household.

Let me explain.

You see, on the last holiday weekend we observed, Labor Day I believe it was, my family was in a state of serious upheaval.  I was yelling at the kids, acting mean and hateful to my husband, and storming through the house while my kids were in tears.

Needless to say, it was not a pretty picture.

Let me take a brief moment to fill you in on some backstory...

You see, I am a neat-and-tidy person, and, if I am honest with myself, I take great pride in this fact.  (Um, can we say sinful heart?)  In truth, I love it when my friends comment about how clean and organized my house is, despite the fact that we homeschool three little (okay, not-so-little-anymore) kids. Let me put it to you this way: here are a couple of snapshots of some areas of my home taken just moments ago...

   

Yeah...you get the idea.

Now, enter three VERY energetic, creative, and crazy kids onto the scene.

I'll be frank--there are many, many times in my life when I feel like their sole purpose here on Earth is to make my life messy.  Things that should be simple--like getting in the car to go run an errand--are not simple.  The kids are constantly interested in art projects like pottery wheels and splatter painting (both of which occur indoors, much to my chagrin).

Their rooms often look like a Lego factory exploded.  Two of my kiddos looooove to collect random "trinkets" (they call them treasures, I call them trash)--little bits and babbles they find on the floor of Lowe's or by the side of the road. And don't even get me started about their clothing!  Even though I lay neat piles of folded laundry on their beds for them to put away, when I take a peek inside their dresser drawers, it looks as though their clothes had a disco party into the wee hours of the night: socks are canoodling with shorts, shirts are inside out (can't they put dirty clothing in the hamper!?), sweaters and sweatshirts (which ought to be on hangers) are balled up in a wad.  My son's idea of Sunday morning dress shoes are Crocs repaired with duct-tape.

Sigh.

Now, since the kids know enough to clean their rooms intermittently in order to earn their weekly allowance, I try my best throughout our typical weekdays to overlook a lot of the mess.  I try to be understanding when they pull out their ENTIRE collection of Barbies, Lego bricks, or stuffed animals when they play.  I try to step over the couch-cushion forts in the name of "encouraging creativity."  In short, I try hard not to be the nagging mother who constantly harps on her kids to be as neat-and-clean as I choose to live.

However, what I have gotten into the habit of doing (as my dear husband has recently, and very graciously, pointed out) is waiting until I have parental backup--aka, those holiday weekdays when Daddy is home--to really lay down the law in the house so that the kids will clean up their rooms to my standards.  Unconsciously figuring that my husband will back me up, I have chosen those particular days to up the ante--asking the kids to purge their closets and desk drawers, go through all their papers, and pile up their clothes and toys for donation.

And you don't have to have a gifted imagination to picture how well THAT goes over with everyone involved...

Let's just say, the biblical term "weeping and gnashing of teeth" can suffice.

And when the kids start to whine and complain and dig in their heels, I fight back with a fury.  I raise my voice, stomp around the house barking orders, threaten them with trash bags (if you don't clean things up, I will!), and then I get frustrated when my husband doesn't throw some elbows and get into the fight, too.

It is just plain ugly.

And now, how did I descend into that awful place?  I know that as a Christian, I serve a God of order and beauty.  And I know that an orderly, clean home can honor Him and provide peace and sanctuary for my entire family.  However, when I see order and neatness as no longer a good thing, but as an ultimate thing, I start to treat that as an idol.  I bow down and worship that false god and then all of that ugly ensues.  You see, in all those moments of just.plain.ugly, I am not upholding the beauty of God's law in my household.  No, I have morphed into a tyrant, wielding the unrealistic expectations of my own law.

In truth, what ultimately angers me in those ugly situations is that my kids refuse to bow down and worship the idol of my own choosing: neatness, cleanliness, organization, control, you name it.  In those moments of crazy, I see fit to sacrifice peace, love, joy, and unity in my household upon the alter of neat and clean.

And, let me just tell you, my only recourse in those moments of idolatry is to just fall to my knees and repent.  First to God, and then to those nearest and dearest to my heart in my home.

Oh, how glad I am that I serve a gracious God who forgives me, and then forgives me, and then forgives me again!  A God full of hope and strength and mercy and love.  A God who loves this prodigal child a million times over.  And I am doubly blessed to have a family who forgives me and  loves me in spite of all my faults and failings.

How about you, dear friend?  What idols do you serve that cause your anger to flair when your friends and family don't stop what they are doing and bow down to it, too?  Perhaps you worship the god of comfort.  Or quiet.  Or convenience.  Or control.  Have you seen how ugly it is when you sacrifice what God desires for your family upon those alters of idolatry?  Like me, do you need to confess and turn back to your one and true first love?  Oh, I hope that you do!  For what joy and unity is ours for the taking when we confess to our idol worship and serve God alone!

**To learn more about the idolatry in your heart, I'd heartily recommend reading the books Idols of the Heart by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Counterfeit Gods by Tim Keller.  For a quick survey on the subject and to help you identify your own idols, check out this helpful blog post by Jennifer Phillips HERE.