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| Source: laurenpolly.com |
Today, I want to speak about how the Lord has prompted me, in recent months, to take a deeper look into my own sinful heart.
If there is anything that I have learned throughout my journey as a parent--as I try to disciple and train up my children--it is that whatever I am teaching them must always start with me.
Moses reminded God's people of this truth in Deuteronomy 6:6-7: "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts." Only then does he go on to instruct them to, "impress them on your children." (emphasis mine)
Truth: God wants us to start with ourselves
My journey toward repentance started a few months ago, when the Holy Spirit began wooing me to slow down and really consider the times when I spoke harshly with my children.
These were always moments when I had previously felt justified to blame my irritation and anger on being tired, hungry, stressed, or see it as merely the inevitable outcome of all my children's "shenanigans."
It took a three-day weekend to really come to grips with my heart in a fresh way (catch that story here).
Since that time, I've looked deep into my heart and come to see myself as an angry person. I have fought through my fear of stepping out into the fullness of God's light and becoming completely exposed. I've been comforted by the reality that God already knows, He already sees, and yet, like the Father of the prodigal son, He runs to me, ready with a robe opened-wide, a ring to slip onto my finger, and a fattened calf to serve at the feast of celebration.
I've allowed this truth to seep down deep into my marrow of late: that repentance is truly a gift from God--a thing to be celebrated--and not a thing to put off or to fear. I've allowed 2 Timothy 2:25-26 to wash over me afresh: "God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will."
I've basked in the realization that repentance is not only a divine gift, but a cause for true celebration!
"Without repentance, there is no real progress or improvement in life. Pretending there is no sin does not lessen its burden and pain. Suffering for sin does not by itself change anything for the better. Only repentance leads to the sunlit uplands of a better life. Only through repentance do we gain access to the atoning grace of Jesus Christ and salvation. Repentance is a divine gift, and there should be a smile on our faces when we speak of it. It points us to freedom, confidence, and peace. Rather than interrupting the celebration, the gift of repentance is the cause for true celebration." ---D. Todd Christofferson
I can only thank God that I've become more willing to look into the mirror of His Word, take it to heart, and not walk away, conveniently forgetting what it has to say about my life. I've seen anew that the law truly provides us with freedom, like James 1:23-25 states: "For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."
I've mediated upon scriptures about the power our words have, and the bad fruit that man's anger yields, and I've reached out to a few special people in my life to specifically pray over me as I step out and choose this pathway of repentance over my anger and irritation with my children.
Will I never utter another harsh or frustrated word to those whom I love? I doubt it--as a sinner, I am sure I will fail on some level. But I know that a paradigm shift is happening deep within the recesses of my heart. There is a knowing, a profound realization, what I can only describe as a repentant spirit, rising up within me.
Oh, how I praise God for His grace to pursue me in my sin and transform me from within! It never ever ends, this side of Heaven, does it? For repentance is not a one time thing, a threshold to be crossed as one enters the family of God. Oh no--it is a continual process--a two-step rhythm--like breathing, or walking--consisting of repenting and believing, your whole life through!
So, now I must ask you, dear friend: How does your heart look...really? Have you slowed down and taken the opportunity to gaze within its depths? Is there an area of your life that beckons for you to deeply consider it at the heart level? Is there a sinful attitude, thought, or action that you need to repentant of, and walk in victory over, today? Oh, how I hope you will step into the light, alongside me, and let God's light penetrate deep into those crevices, so that you can be forgiven and healed! It is truly a gift...and a reason to celebrate!
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