Hangry

Photo courtesy of hercampus.com

Hello again, friend!  I am pleased to report that we are all moved and settled in our new home in Maryland! (Okay, settled is a relative term, but we just got internet service yesterday, I can brew a cup of coffee and have it in a mug, and have my own bed to sleep in...so I am calling that officially settled!) I must say, there is nothing like the stress and challenges of life transitions to reveal the sin in your heart.  Let me explain.

The other night, we decided take a break from the endless unpacking of boxes and moving of furniture to go out for dinner.  Apparently, our little one had curled on top of her sleeping bag and decided to take a mid-afternoon nap (which is unusual for her).  I corralled the other kids and we all piled into the car to go to a sit-down family restaurant and then at the last minute, scooped up our sleeping 3-year-old and buckled her in the car.  It wasn't one minute down the road when the irate temper tantrum began--she was livid about being strapped in the car, being without her sleeping bag...all she wanted to do was go back home.  The screaming continued all the way to the restaurant.  When we arrived, the older kids and I got out of the car and sat outside the restaurant on the bench, waiting for their Daddy and Princess.  With each passing minute, more and more families were arriving and going into the restaurant, and the more and more aware I was that A) our family was making a ridiculous public spectacle of ourselves (yes, we were parked right at the entrance to the restaurant in full view and ear shot of all arriving patrons) and B) our name was getting further and further down the waiting list for a table.  Ugh.  Approximately 10 minutes later, the screaming fit was getting no better and we all realized the inevitable--we'd have to pile back in the car and go home without dinner.  This was just NOT going to work. 

I was exhausted...hungry...and angry...a deadly cocktail to let my flesh run loose and do some serious damage.  The world has a term for this..."hangry."  It is a melding of being hungry and angry, as these two things are known to make an infamous pair.  On the car trip home, I managed to turn around in my seat and tell her to "shut up" (a four-letter word in our house) and also threaten to take her sleeping bag and burn it (a personal low for me...I mean seriously, this reminds me of the mafia!).  I was just soooo outraged!  All I wanted was a hot prepared dinner after an exhausting day--was that too much to ask?!  I was so upset about having to turn around and make do with the three grocery items we had at the house (mayo, bread, and lunch meat)--a far cry from a hot juicy burger and bottomless steak fries!

Well, the evening was a complete bust.  My little one eventually calmed down (thanks to my saint of a husband) while the other kids and I ate sandwiches on a blanket on the floor in the living room.  Later, as I walked them down to a neighbor's house to play, I apologized to them and we had a discussion about sin and how even when we have Jesus in our hearts, we can still mess up...big time.  (They have each come to me about this issue separately...my daughter and I have talked about how there is no need to "reinvite" Jesus into our hearts everytime we sin, but rather confess our sins as His children...my son about how do we know Jesus is in our hearts and it "worked").   It is very humbling to have these discussions with my children when I am serving as Exhibit A of how NOT to behave!

In truth, we know we are Christ's followers ultimately by the fruit we bear.  James talks about how a tree cannot bear two different types of fruit...or a spring can not produce both fresh and salt water  (James 3: 9-12).  But what happens when they do?  You are bearing apples as a born-again apple tree of God...and a bunch of grapes shows up in the flesh? Or the same mouth that prays and gives praise to the Lord curses your child?  I will admit I have never understood the true purpose of the process of sanctification.  Ought we not just be made fully clean when we become a believer and never have to do battle with the flesh?  How does sinning as a child of God bring any glory to our Lord? Wise people have given me their input about why this is--how it makes us fully reliant upon the Lord (thus encouraging a deeper relationship with Him).  I am not so sure. 

The only answer addressing this issue that I have come upon in recent months is in the Old Testament.  Currently, I am reading the book of Deuteronomy, a time when the Israelites are preparing to enter the Promise Land and do battle with their enemies.  Several times, Moses tells the people that theirs will be a continual battle with bit-by-bit victories. Consider Deuteronomy 7:22,

  "The Lord your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you."

For some reason, God has ordained that the Israelite people are not just going to storm the place and take over the land in one fell swoop.  God will be doing the conquering, and it will be "little by little."  The only reason He gives is that if it were not done this way, the "wild animals" would multiply around them.  (Now, I could be accused of "over-spiritualizing" this passage of Scripture.  I realize the quotes around wild animals could be unfounded.  However, most scholars agree that the Israelite exodus and conquering of the Promise Land, while being historical events that occurred at a singular point in time, are also metaphors of every believer's life as we leave sin ("Egypt") and go on in life as a child of God (where our ultimate "Promise Land" is heaven)).

Well, we will delve more into the subject of sanctification in future blog posts, as it is a mysterious thing.  For now, however, suffice it to say that my battle with my flesh and the sin that exposes itself day-to-day is humbling!  It definitely reveals my need for God's grace and forgiveness and the renewing work of the Holy Spirit in my daily life...and this revelation continually sends me to the cross, to consider how heinous a sinner I am, and marvel at how gracious and loving is my Heavenly Father who forgives and loves me!  And I humbly pray and trust that God will use me to positively impact my children...even in my hot sinful messes...to reveal His love and truth for their lives, as well!