 |
| Photo edited from cambio.com |
An interesting thing happened this weekend while we were hosting my in-laws. I say interesting because it revealed my heart it all of its sinful glory. In fact, it might have gone unnoticed by my mother-in-law, once I took the time to "manage" my sin (like we all do, if we are truly honest with ourselves), but unlike so many other times, I have tried to take notice and learn from it. You see it involved a careless comment that revealed my heart, brought me to my knees in confession at church on Sunday, and reminded me of my perpetual need for God's grace and His sanctifying work in my life.
Let me back up and explain...
It was a Thursday afternoon and my in-laws had drove in for a weekend visit, unpacked their bags, and gotten settled in their room. Since it was a very rainy day, the kids and I pulled out some puzzles and games and we spent the first few hours of their visit playing together. As the afternoon wore on, I left the game table and moved over into the kitchen to prepare a few things: a breakfast casserole for the next morning and some hamburger patties for the following day.
Shirley, my mother-in-law, soon walked in behind me, wondering if there was anything she could do to help. I welcomed her assistance; however, I noticed I told her which bowl to use to mix up the eggs--the one I had already set out on the counter--instead of using the mixer, which she had begun to plug into the wall. I remember thinking that I must have sounded bossy, and, in hindsight, this should have been my clue to slow down and prayerfully proceed! At any rate, we made up the breakfast dish and moved on to the hamburger patties. I had an array of sauces and spices on the counter, and I usually dab a bit of this and shake a bit of that to make up our hamburgers. She took a big shaker jar and asked me to say "when" to tell her to stop shaking in the spices on the ground beef. While I heard her say this, I must have been in a bit of a daze, because I can just remember seeing a whole lot of spices being heaped up on top of the beef and I said Whoa! I took my rings off and began to swish the spices and sauces into the beef, and while so doing, I noticed her stopping to read the back of the shaker jar.
And here's when I just let it escape--the thought that was welling up in my mind, that could have--should have--just stayed as a thought, as I took the whole scene in:
"So...what are you doing...checking the salt content?"
(Now, let me back up and tell you that salt is a big no-no in my in-laws' house. For whatever the reason, whether health or conscience, they choose to tuck away all salt shakers and only offer pepper at meals. This can be a bit tricky for guests and in-laws like myself to try to add salt to things that always need salt, like Thanksgiving mashed potatoes, for example. Even my husband has been known to excuse himself to the kitchen to add a few furtive shakes of salt--procured from deep within the baking cupboard--onto his meal and return to the meal, while the others remain unaware.)
And so, this question just hung there between the two of us, like one of those word bubbles in all of its technicolor glory on a Sunday morning comic strip. I stared down at my hands, massaging the cold ground beef, feeling it squish between my fingers, and I just couldn't believe I had said that, and that it was just out there...I mean, without even a hint of jest to my words!!
Awesome.
I don't recall now what exactly she said in reply, as I am sure she was even more taken aback by the whole thing than I was, but it had something to do with rattling off garlic, onion, and shallots, which I presume are the first three ingredients listed on the bottle. I honestly don't recall what I said in response, either; although I did bring it up again several minutes later, as I was asking her to slide over a tad so I could put away a washed dish. I went on to tell her that I was just giving her a hard time--you know, about the whole salt thing, because my Dad always comes behind me as I cook and checks things like that and I always give him a hard time (okay--so there's a bold-faced lie if ever there was one--oh and, sorry Dad, for throwing you under the bus!). She laughed, we smoothed things over, exchanged a few pleasantries, and perhaps in her mind, that was that.
Sin managed.
It is moments like these, however--the carelessly spoken comments, the knee-jerk reactions--that, in my opinion, can tell us the most about the condition of our hearts. Here I was, in the kitchen with my mother-in-law, assuming the worst intentions about her--that she was judging me or trying to control the way I cook--and sending out verbal daggers to a dear, sweet woman whom I greatly love and respect.
Why do I do this?
Well, I am glad the Apostle Paul also did battle with his flesh--that sinful, ugly part of us, that is still alive and well in the heart of the believer. Let's see what God's Word says about his struggle in Romans chapter 7, starting with verse 15:
"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me."
A few verses later, Paul goes on to say, "Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (v. 24-25)
Yes, even as a believer, we are marred and broken by sin. Like Paul talks about, we will do what we truly don't want to do, and we will fail to do the things we should do, that is, until we are made perfect and glorified in Heaven. Until, then, we must do battle with the flesh, boldly confessing and repenting of our sin to God--not seeking merely to manage it or airbrush it--and walking in the truth of the very next verse, Romans chapter 8 verse 1:
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
This chapter goes on to tell us that through God's gift of Jesus to us, we can live and grow in the Spirit, and no longer be a slave to the flesh. Praise God!
So what about you, dear friend? Do you take the time to explore your heart when you blurt something sinful and unloving to someone else? Do you take the time to noticed your actions--especially the small ones--that can so succinctly reveal to you the fleshly condition of your heart? Oh I do hope and pray that we would not be content to settle for the the "big" things in our lives and ignore what God has to teach us about all the day-to-day ways we fail to glorify Him in all we say and do! For I believe that God has MUCH to say to us about our priorities, idols, and our desperate need for Him, as we confess our sin to Him and receive His forgiveness and grace.
No comments