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You know how I confided a few posts back that I have been forgetting my first love? Well, one of those "worldly weeds" that have been choking out my faith and focus recently has been over-spending on myself.
Oh, it started out innocently enough--celebratory, really. I had worked hard for several months trying to conquer a fear of mine, a phobia actually, and was making huge strides. It was high time, back in June, to celebrate and splurge for that full-body, one-hour massage.
Nice.
Then in July, I treated myself to some--okay, a lot of--crafting supplies to fuel my long-time papercrafting and cardmaking hobby. I hadn't splurged in that department for some time, I reasoned.
And then came a windfall of new clothes, purchased during a rare opportunity to shop in peace, sans kids, while they were away at summer camp. Clothes are a need, right?!
Next came several Amazon shipments of good-quality books and journals for the kids and I (okay, mostly me) to enjoy as our school year began--I mean, as a homeschooling family, these are downright essential items, and don't I need to pursue my own "professional development"?!
And so, this month, I finally took the opportunity to sit down and try to get a better handle of why our family has continued to miss the mark of our budgeting goals.
And when I sat down with a calculator and added up all that I had spent on myself each month, and compared it to what I had budgeted to spend on myself each month, I regrettably came to a glaring reality:
I have twenty-bucks to spend on myself for the remainder of this calendar year.
Ugh.
And I'll be honest, much to my shame, this just feels like an impossibly pathetic amount.
I mean, my kids are accruing more money than that in their spending accounts, as they save their weekly allowances and tooth fairy money! (In their defense, however, they are master savers! They earn approximately $3 per week, and $1 per tooth, and somehow, they have spending money amounts in the $20 to $30 dollar range...they must get that ability to save from their father!)
But ultimately, this issue goes beyond dollars and cents, does it not?
This is ultimately an issue of my heart.
And I realize that the situation I am in--this call to rein in my wants, to be self-controlled and faithful to this task of simple obedience--is hardly a sacrifice to the vast majority of people on this planet. I mean, I live in a nice home, drive a nice car, have plenty of food and clothing, and all my needs are abundantly met.
And so, I take this theoretical twenty-dollar bill and lay it at the foot of the cross. While my heart wants to pray for a fishes-and-loaves transformation, I know where my real need lies:
radical heart transformation
Now, I share all of this with you because perhaps you, like me, often over-indulge yourself with material things and you seek out comfort at all cost. Perhaps you, like me, need to take some time to reevaluate--to assess the situation of your heart and home, budget, and time--and ultimately, to look deep down into your heart and repent.
Are you over-spending on material wants and pleasures, like me? Consider a spending freeze, like Lisa Whittle discusses on this blog post. Unlike my seemingly impossible task of spending only twenty bucks between now and the end of the year, she successfully went on a personal spending freeze for a year, and it changed her life(!!).
Will you hold me accountable on this journey, dear friend? We can't do this obedience thing alone. We need each other--to hold each other accountable and cheer one another on. Fortunately, we are in good company, and God has provided a host of fellow brothers and sisters to walk this journey of faith together. I am thankful for Lisa and her example, and I am thankful for the examples of my husband and children.
May we ALL answer the call of obedience, in the big and the small ways, right here, right now. I am not so certain how my spending budget will turn out by the year's end, but this thing I know: while I feel weak and incapable, He is able!
"He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it!" 1 Thessalonians 5:24
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