The Crucial Need for Redemptive Relationships

Source: socialbusinessnews.com

As I've mentioned before, I am currently rereading How People Change by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp.  One of the main cruxes of this book is that we as believers become more like Christ in the context of community--through the Church body and through redemptive relationships with other believers--and not just as individuals.**

The Scriptures make it clear that we as Christians grow best in the setting of a faith community.  The Christian is never described as a lone entity; instead, Scriptures speak to the body, the Church (or the nation of Israel in the OT).  Paul speaks about "one body, one Spirit, one hope...one baptism, one faith, one Lord" as he addresses the unity of the church in Ephesus (see Ephesians 4:4-6).  We see galvanizing friendships like David and Jonathan in the Old Testament, Jesus and His disciples, and Paul mentoring Timothy in the New Testament.  In fact, God Himself, being the three-in-one triune God, models the importance of living in loving community through His very nature.

But what exactly is meant by the term redemptive relationship?

I have been thinking about this, both as it relates to all of us as believers, and as it relates to me as an individual for some time now.  In brief, I believe redemptive relationships are those friendships that we have which strengthen our faith and keep us humble and authentic as individuals.  It is a relationship wherein you can be yourself, without fear of shame or scorn, and yet feel safe enough to confess your sin and receive love and encouragement in return.  It is a relationship you can truly count on, to give you support when you are having a bad day or when you need help.  However, it is not one-sided: it also entails giving in return--encouraging, serving, and loving that other person, unconditionally, and perhaps at times, sacrificially.  It is a transparent, authentic relationship--intimate and most likely, a bit messy.  It may not always be fun; in fact, it may be downright uncomfortable at times because it will allow for biblical confrontation (when necessary) and the admonishment of truth when you most need to hear it.

Unfortunately, I believe that relationships like these are getting more and more difficult to forge in our highly transitory, digital age.

Sherry Turkle, professor of Social Science and Technology at MIT, would agree.  She has brought forth outstanding research on the subject of human connection and interaction in the digital culture in which we live.  Through her books such as Alone Together  and Reclaiming Conversation, and her riveting TED talk (worth every minute of your time!!), she has discussed something she calls the "Goldilocks Effect" of relationships:

Not too close.  Not too far.  But just right.

What she means by this is that we like to keep our friends close enough to not feel entirely disconnected, but not close enough to get too intimate and messy.  Keeping them at a safe "just right" distance--easily done nowadays through social media and digital communication like texting and email--is what we often prefer. Through digital media platforms of every kind, we can now merely connect with people, but miss meaningful communication.

Now what does this mean for us as believers?

I would submit to you that the Scriptures inform us that if we do not genuinely communicate with others--if we do not engage in authentic, redemptive relationships--then we cannot truly grow as a Christian to be more like Christ.

Bottom line:

Vulnerable, authentic, real community (based on true communication)

 is directly linked to growth in godliness.

So, dear friend, I beseech you to come along side of me and get serious with some soul-searching about this issue in our lives: right here, right now.  Have you made a commitment in your life to participate in a local Church community?  Are you seeking involvement in a smaller community group or small-group Bible study?  Have you made a commitment to forge meaningful, redemptive relationships in your life that help you grow and change?  If not, what things are getting in the way of this, or serving as replacements for you?

I know for me, the busyness of life helps me to keep many relationships distant and casual, even though I struggle with feeling lonely and deeply crave to go deeper.  Many of my friendships are activity (and therefore, pleasure or convenience) based.  Many times, I make formal commitments to church activities but do not strive to forget any real connections with other people once I am there.  Sometimes, I engage in one-way, ministry-driven relationships, and don't humble myself to be ministered to by others.  Furthermore, if you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I *love* to study the Bible and theological issues.  However, I must confess that sometimes this pursuit serves as a replacement for knowing God as a life of study, rather than in the pursuit of God through fellowship with His people.

If you are like me and struggle to forge redemptive relationships, what do you think God is calling you to do so you can participate in a redemptive community?  Are there new relationships that need to be made?  Present relationships that need to be strengthened or restructured?  Relationships that need to be restored?  Or barriers you need to bring down to allow authentic communication to flow?

Let us ALL go before the Lord today and repent of our shallow, individualistic, and self-absorbed approach to community and relationships, dear friend!  May He cleanse our hearts and equip us with the courage and strength we need to embrace authentic, Christ-centered, redemptive community, and may it help us to become more like Him!

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence..."   --2 Peter 1:3


 **For more on this "me" and "we" dynamic of the Christian faith, I'd encourage you to check out this blog post HERE
Also, to explore this subject further, consider checking out a few resources from my book wishlist:
12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You by Tony Reinke
It Takes a Church to Raise a Christian: How the Community of God Changes Lives by Tod E. Bolsinger