My Struggle with Anxiety

Source: webmd.com

Hi, friend!  My desire here at Risa's Reflections is to be real and authentic about how God's truth speaks to me in everyday life.  Sometimes, life is going swimmingly; other times, I am frozen in my tracks doing some serious battle with fear and anxiety.  I firmly believe that God meets us right where we are--the good days, and the bad--to teach us more about Himself and who we are in Him.  I'd like to share more about my struggle with anxiety today, with the goal of offering you biblical hope and encouragement for your journey.  Even if you don't struggle with anxiety, perhaps my story will serve you well in your struggle with loneliness, depression, or whatever trial you are currently facing.

My struggle with anxiety started in my early-twenties when I had a panic attack (I did not yet know what it actually was) while driving alone on the interstate: it was dark, raining hard, and I found myself blocked on all sides by three tractor-trailers, causing me to lose sight of my friend's car which I was trying to follow.  I can still vividly remember feeling breathless with my heart racing, vision fading, and having such a terrifying sense of losing control of the wheel and dying.  This episode did not last long, thankfully (panic attacks never do), and I was able to find my friend's car and follow her to the correct exit ramp.  However, that episode left an enduring impression upon me.

Since that time, I have struggled on-and-off with driving under certain conditions: at night, in heavy traffic, over bridges, through tunnels, and in heavy rain.  Some years, my fear can extend into public speaking, social situations like big parties, and visiting someplace new.  Other years, I do pretty well getting myself around and living a normal, relatively anxiety-free life.  I have taken SSRIs during some years of my journey, but mostly I have done without prescription medications (in part due to multiple pregnancies and nursing little ones).

Last fall, I became more anxious on the road and began to purposely avoid particular intersections and bridges.  While this had happened before, this time, with the support of my physician, I sought out the help of a cognitive behavioral therapist.  Cognitive behavioral therapy (or CBT, as it is often called) is used to help you become more aware of your thought patterns, challenge these negative and distorted thoughts, and help you to replace your thoughts with ones that better reflect reality.  Additionally, CBT involves working on particular exposure tasks to desensitize you regarding specific phobias and fears.

After successfully "climbing" my fear hierarchy (completing my driving-related exposure tasks) and attending therapy sessions, I discontinued therapy after a few months at the suggestion of my therapist.  According to her, she saw that I knew how to counsel myself--or find my own resources--through the difficult situations I faced (which was the goal!).

Through it all--my anxiety, the counseling--I know God has much to teach me about how faithful and mighty He is through this trial!  It recalls to mind a powerful verse, found in the first chapter of James:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James 1: 2-4

How about you, dear friend?  What trials are you facing today?  Would you be willing to take some time to reflect upon your own struggle: where you are on the path, what things you can do to facilitate healing and restoration, and what help you might need to reach out for?  I pray we would have the God-given courage to face our fears and see our trials as the glorious things that the Word of God says they are!