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| Source: drawinghio.com |
I walk in hungry after church into a cold house.
"Why is it so cold in here? Isn't that why we have a smart thermostat in the first place--so it comes on before we come home and warms up the place?!," I rant.
The next thing out of my mouth goes something like this: "Kids, go wash your hands and sit at the table. Do NOT go upstairs!," as I slap sandwiches together alongside my husband.
As the four of us get settled around the table, my oldest daughter begins the process of picking up the kitchen.
"Come over here and SIT! We are starving!," I spout.
Then she comes over and bursts into tears. I shoo her away from the table, saying, "Nope. Stop with the water works. We can't be around you like this."
Selfish. Demanding. Angry. Graceless. And all this before I change out of my church clothes.
My husband and I go upstairs to change clothes. I am still in a mood. Turns out he is also in a mood, but of a different variety. He mentions that there is something we could do to warm us up, if I am still cold, which does not involve the thermostat.
While he ducks into our walk-in closet to change out of his Sunday clothes, I throw on a frumpy sweatshirt and jeans, and slip out the bedroom door.
Mercy. Oh, but it gets worse.
We go back to church later in the evening. It runs over, and we find ourselves entering the kitchen around 7:30, starving, again.
I head to the stove and start to cook eggs, after I get out chicken salad from the fridge. Again, I bark orders to the kids to wash their hands and sit promptly at the dinner table.
I find that my husband and son are hovering over me, as I fry up my eggs.
"Could you make me some, as well?," they ask.
I give them the stink eye. Yeah, you know the one we mothers and wives are famous for. My son sits down, and my husband offers to fry more eggs, after I sit down with mine.
We pray and eat.
After the meal, I wash up the dishes and ask the others to empty the dishwasher. I am tired. I start to rant again, this time about church.
How is this supposed to be the Sabbath and restful, and why are we going to this church programming, and does it really support our church's mission statement, and are the kids really getting Biblical training? And on and on I spew...
And then I go upstairs and draw a hot bath and climb in.
And then I weep.
I weep over my sin, and my selfishness, and my ugly heart.
And I weep at how I can be this way, as a Christ-follower, and a church-goer, and a servant of Christ for THREE DECADES strong.
And my breath is taken away at not only how my husband has sacrifically loved me throughout the day, through multiple episodes of conflict and displays of outright selfishness, but also later when he takes me into his arms and physically and emotionally unites himself with me at the end of the day.
How can he stand to be around me? How can he choose to love me like this?
It is a picture of Christ, and it brings me to ponder in a fresh way this whole process of sanctification--this process whereby we become more and more like Jesus.
What if sanctification looks a lot more like weakness and humility, than a "victorious" Christian life?
What if, by becoming more and more aware of our sin, we better understand our need for the righteous perfection of Christ?
What if, by failing over and over again, we grow to rely less on ourselves, and more on Jesus and the empowering of the Holy Spirit?
What if, because of our sinfulness and fleshly natures, our breath is taken away at how others can love us, and how Jesus loves us and will never forsake us?
We will be talking more about the process of sanctification in upcoming blog posts, but I'd like us to ponder this a bit today.
May we weep over our sin, but let us NEVER stop there. May we go on to glory in how others, and especially Christ Himself, love us inspite of it!
Oh the grace! The mercy! The unconditional love! The joy that is ours as imperfect, repentant sinners, in need of Christ's grace every minute of every day. We will never deserve it. We will never understand it. But let us revel in the joy and freedom it offers us today!
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