Magic Feathers

Source: D23.com

The Lord and I keep having this circular conversation.

I'm not really sure when it started.  Maybe a month ago.  Maybe a lifetime ago.  I say that because He's been trying to teach me this truth through myriad seasons of my life.  If only I'd truly listen.  If only I'd truly understand.

This conversation of ours gets moved to the forefront periodically.  Other times it recedes into the background--still there, still ongoing, but just not loud enough for me to fully tune in and listen or respond.

You see, He's been telling me, all these years, in all these ways that He is enough.

That He's GOT this.

He's got this life.  He's got these decisions.  He's got this parenting thing.  He's got this marriage, career path, loved ones...my entire universe as I know it.

And I do understand this, deep down.

If I didn't, I wouldn't go to Him and seek His face, each and every day.

I wouldn't read my Bible.

I wouldn't pray.

I wouldn't go to church to worship Him, hear sound preaching, and seek the fellowship of other believers.

I know He's got it.

But it's hard to put ALL my stock in that simple fact.

Let me give you a recent example from my life.  I was asked to speak at our local Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) chapter meeting.  I unhesitatingly said yes, even though public speaking makes me nervous.  Why?  Because I felt called to, and I know God's GOT this.

So I step out in faith: I pray, stay in the Word, and diligently prepare my notes to speak for half an hour on raising godly sons.  I prepare handouts and discussion questions, and send them along to the MOPS leadership to make copies for the group.

But then, I meet up with a friend a few days before my talk to catch up over coffee.  I tell her I am nervous...excited...all the things...about my upcoming MOPS talk.  She sees an opportunity and offers to come along with me; she wants to see about getting involved in MOPS, as she is a mother of a toddler, and she'd love to encourage and support me for my talk.  We discuss it and set up a time for me to pick her up the morning of MOPS.  I leave our coffee date together refreshed and encouraged.  Wow! I think. God is preparing me, and also giving me this special comfort and support through a friend!

So, fast-forward to the day before my talk.  I go through my talking points one last time and practice with a timer.  I gather books and visual aids and stage everything to easily head out the door the following day.  And then, around dinnertime, I receive a text from my friend.

She has a stomach bug.  She won't be able to accompany me in the morning.

And in the small wedge of time between cleaning up dinner dishes and opening our home to host our weekly community group, God and I have this heart-to-heart discussion.  Through tears, alone in my bathroom, I cry out to God in an accusatory voice, "Why did you have to take my magic feather away?!"

Now, what's weird is that I had never before used this term "magic feather" with God, but in those brief moments it all suddenly materialized for me.

Like the magic feather Dumbo felt that he needed to grasp in order to fly, I realized I was gripping onto my friend in order to step into what God had for me the next day.

And in a split second after the word "away" was wrenched from my throat, the words "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness" felt hot on the back of my neck, and I bowed my head further, and I just wept.

I mean what else can you do when the God of the Universe answers you so rapidly that it makes your heart leap out of your chest, and you just know that He is right, and that He cares, and that He knows, and that He sees?

And so, I drove to MOPS the next morning, without my friend, with no magic feather in hand (unless you count my two girls who ended up going with me, because the kids woke up squabbling with each other, and I felt it best to separate the three of them for the morning!  Mercy...).

And it went well, however you measure "well" with a thing like that.  I presented my material clearly, felt God's presence, chatted it up with the ladies, and made it home in one exhausted piece.

And so, four days later, as I sat in church listening to our pastor preach, I realized something else I'd never before admitted:

I don't have just one magic feather.

I've got suitcases full of them.

I've got so many magic feathers, my mattress is stuffed with them, my house is bursting with them:  they are in my bank account, hanging in my closet, spilling out of the glass I lift up to my lips over dinner, flowing from the steaming pot I pour into a mug when I awake every morning.  They are all around me, everywhere, these magic feathers that I've convinced myself that I need to live, and love, and grow, and do all the things that I do.

Source: etsy.com

And so...the conversation with God continues...

And I continue to listen to what He is teaching me...

And I try to understand...

And I try to lay these feathers down...

And I try to trust in God, with all my heart (and why does this process just never get easier?...).

And I try to reflect upon, in my deepest parts, how much God is the only way, and the only thing I'll ever need, and the only person I ever need to truly trust, and that despite how I feel, yes, He truly does have this.

And so now, dear friend, I must ask you, too.

Do you have any magic feathers that you are holding onto--comforts you think you need for life, for love, for work, for pleasure?

Have you talked to God about them?

Have you laid them down?  Do you even want to?

I pray that God will continue to show me how I can lay all my magic feathers down.

And I pray that we can lay them down, dear friend, together--and praise HIS holy name!