Small Victory, Big Win

 

Source: Unsplash,  Johannes Krupinski

When you become a Christian as a child like me, you don't have much of a "before" story when it comes to overcoming heinous sins.

Yes, as a child I was selfish, lied, complained, disobeyed my parents, fought with my sister, and uttered dirty words from the back of the school bus, but I didn't get drunk at parties, sleep around, use drugs, or embezzle.

My battle with sin has been fought mostly as a Christian, within the walls of the church, in the context of a God-fearing home as a child, and later, within a godly marriage raising children in the faith.

And these are some of the toughest battlefields, in my humble opinion, because these battles can be subtle, often being entirely fought on the quiet turf of my heart and mind. Maybe these battles of thought and will go unnoticed. Perhaps, if they are acted upon, those who witness them are limited to my spouse or children, who might feel the blow of my angry words, see the spoils from impulsive shopping trips, or witness me power through a carton of ice cream.  Unless we are honest with ourselves and transparent with our family and church community, these quiet battles can last for decades.

In fact, many of our sins as Christians are what late author and evangelist Jerry Bridges described as "respectable sins" in his excellent book by the same name. He discusses sin like pride, jealousy, anger, and judgmentalism among others, but like all sins, these serve to drive a wedge between our enjoyment of and fellowship with God.

Lately, I find the Holy Spirit frequently nudging my spirit when I turn to something--anything--besides Jesus for comfort, peace, courage, or support.

Is that fridge raid/drink/online shopping truly necessary? What posture is your heart assuming as you chase after [fill-in-the-blank]? Have you considered turning to me for love/comfort/peace/strength in this moment instead?

*Sigh*

I recently heard the testimony of Arielle, one of the co-hosts of the Girls Gone Bible podcast, discussing how it wasn't until she laid down her sexual sin as a Christian that she was completely free, and her mental health/depression/anxiety markedly improved. It makes me want to examine my own heart more closely with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The times when I do feel anxious or depressed...might they be connected with my holding onto sin--even "subtle" sins--instead of confessing them and running to my Lord as quickly as I can?

In truth, I think that one of the reasons I do not stop to confess these sins is that I don't honestly believe God can change my heart in regards to them.

Now, that might sound foolish, silly, and downright blasphemous to admit. Ought it not take more faith to trust God to forgive the "big" sins--like murder and adultry--than sins like anger and consumerism? I mean, wasn't it a more miraculous transformation for Paul to turn from persecuting Christians to preaching the gospel than it was for Timothy to faithfully lead the early church, coming from a God-fearing family of Lois and Eunice?  

I think not. Even living a life of quiet, daily obedience is nothing short of miraculous. 

I am currently trying to trust God with laying down a behavioral pattern of mine, relying upon Him to give me the courage and assurance that this sin—however big or small—has NO hold on me, based upon the truth found in Romans 6:5-11, 14

"For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus....For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace." (emphasis mine)

This passage makes it clear: sin has NO hold over us, because--through our union with Christ--we have died to sin and will be resurrected with Him.

This passage does not qualify sin--“big” sins, “respectable” sins, “small” sins, “subtle” sins; ALL are all included (as if we could categorize them anyway!)

So, I will trust in Him as I make this first step of confession and running to Him in this area of my life.

I don't have to figure out how to break free--He has already done it! I must simply turn to Him and trust Him, being faithfully obedient to what He calls me to do today.  

And then run to Him with it tomorrow.  

And then the next day, until I find that it no longer is a habit to me. He will set my paths straight as I lean fully on Him.

If there is something seemingly small in your life that the Holy Spirit is prompting you to let go of, would you be faithful to do it as well, dear friend? Not in your strength or power, but in God’s, knowing that you already have the victory in Jesus because you stand united to Him.

I hope you will join me, dear friend, as we trust Him to forgive the big and the small sins, the heinous ones and the respectable ones, one day at a time. 

For He who calls us is faithful, and He will surely do it (1 Thess 5:24) ...

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Hope for this Brute Beast

Source: bettyjoseph.com

Once again I find myself alienated, sulking, angry, and holed up alone on a Sabbath day.

Why this day of all days of the week?

Perhaps it's like a glass of pond water--after a prolonged period of stillness and rest, all the junk settles to the bottom. 

And I find myself once again dealing with all that junk.

I've felt misunderstood, under appreciated, dismissed and disrespected this afternoon.  I don't want to deal with another need, another complaint, or another ungracious heart (including my own!).

I've cried, stormed off, and said hurtful words I didn't mean to those I love the most.

Ugh.

I wonder at times if there is any hope for a sinful and selfish person like me.

I turn to God and His Word later this evening, because whatever I feel or am experiencing, it always speaks truth.

I read how the Apostle Paul laments how he, too, does not comprehend his own sinful behavior:

"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing."  Romans 7:15-19

 The psalmist speaks to this as well in Psalm 73:

"When my soul was embittered,
    when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant;
    I was like a beast toward you." v. 21-22

Yep.  A brute beast.  Now that is an accurate description of how I feel and how I've behaved.

My pastor talked about sin the other week using the metaphor of a tornado.

A tornado can have a narrow tip, leaving behind a narrow path of destruction, or it can be a few miles wide, carving out a ginormous wake of devastation.

Either way, it is a tornado.

Big sin, small sin, it is all sin.  It devastates, destroys, and divides.

But it is startling how the psalmist goes on:

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
    you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:23-26

My throat runs dry.

My eyes well up with tears.

Even in this sin...God still wants to be with me?

He still guides me and counsels me, receives me, and strengthens me?

No strings attached?

No contingencies, bargaining, or contractual agreements required?

Even when I want to run from myself, I can always run to Him.  (And as Jonah will tell you, even if you think you are running away from Him, you are still running to Him!)

May you run to Him, too, dear one.

If you are like me and sinned your way into a hard place of isolation and condemnation, you are not alone.  You are always loved.  You are always being held.

And may the Lord enable you and me to forgive and ask for forgiveness, seek reconciliation and pursue peace within the walls of our homes and beyond.

Will you pray for me, as I pray for you?

Thank you, dear friend, and good night.  Now I have some things I need to go and do to make things right...

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Sinless v. Sinning Less

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We talked a post or two ago about the message of 1st John and one way it deeply challenges me: namely, by equating our treatment of people with our true love for God (regardless of what we might say or think to the contrary!).

But this wasn't the first and only way that this epistle has challenged me in my faith journey.

Allow me to explain.

My first exposure to the book of 1st John was through my college roommate and her church's campus ministry.  Without bringing up labels or denominational names (which usually serve only to divide), I'll just say that she and her church believed that to be a Christian is to be without sin.  Her campus ministry friends were often seen on the main campus thoroughfares, drawing large crowds as they preached very frankly about sin, death, and hell.  They would unequivocally call out people waiting outside the local bars on Friday nights, calling them sinners and urging them to repent to escape the flames of hell.

In truth, my roommate and her campus ministry challenged me in profound ways.

First, it gave me admiration for the courage these college students exhibited to stand up against the worldly culture around them and boldly proclaim Christ.

Secondly, it made me examine my own theology about sin in the life of the believer.

Thirdly, over quite a bit of time, it gave me a better perspective on the biblical view of sanctification.

That's a lot to cover for one blog post, so I'll just hit the most impactful aspects of these considerations in my own experience.

1st John makes a LOT of bold statements about the Christian life.  Here's a sampling of just a few:

"And by this we know that we have come to know him [Jesus], if we keep his commandments.  Whoever says 'I know him' but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him...By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked." 1 John 1:3-6

"No one who abides in him [Jesus] keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him....Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil...No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God." 1 John 3:6,8-9

At first blush, these verses seem to say that a true Christian does not sin.  And the challenge for me,  as a Christian college student, is that I knew that I did sin.

Often.

I would routinely overeat at mealtimes (yep, I fell into that "freshman 15" statistic of packing on some weight that first semester or two), entertain lustful thoughts about classmates (I was in a male-dominant major of science and math), and study for long hours on the Sabbath (bona fide "work" for a student)...just to name a few sins off the top of my head (two decades later!).

You see, as a college student, I knew Christ had radically altered my heart before I started middle school, and yet I also knew that I sinned on a daily (hourly?) basis.

And these two facts just did NOT jive with what I seemed to be reading in 1st John and hearing from my college roommate and her ministry friends.

Soooo, I shelved 1st John for a bit.  Okay, for a long time!  I've read it through in my Bible reading plans, but I've never stopped to study it until this year while doing this study by Kelly Minter.

And dear friend, I understand it a lot better now, and hope that you will, too.

What I have come to understand from John's epistle is that he is discussing habitual, coveted sin patterns.  I've come to place the quoted verses above alongside other verses in his epistle, like those quoted below, to get a fuller (and I'd argue, more biblical) perspective on sin in the life of the believer.

"If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  1 John 1:8-9

"My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin.  But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous."  1 John 2:1

I see now that in light of these verses, John is not saying that a Christian is sinless.  Instead, these verses speak to the fact of being honest with the sin we DO see in our hearts and confessing them to God on a regular basis.  He speaks, as a father to his children, about the amazingly GOOD news that we have an advocate to the Father through Jesus the Son (side note: the Apostle Paul speaks about Jesus interceding for us in prayer (see Romans 8:34) and the author of Hebrews speaks about Jesus as our High Priest, allowing us to approach the throne of grace with confidence (see Heb 4:15-16)).

In effect, 1st John is not making the case that Christians are sinless, but that, as we grow more to be like Christ (i.e. progressive sanctification) we will delight to follow God's law and sin...less.

No doubt about it, John's first epistle packs a punch.  Am I surprised?  This beloved disciple saw, touched, and heard Jesus in the flesh (AND saw him transfigured in all His glory!) and was part of Jesus' most intimate inner circle of apostles.  Of course, he brings a lot of hard-hitting truth to share because he lived it and breathed it!  But I thank God that He provides for all that He requires--both in our personal hearts, and in the way we love and treat our fellow man.

(Note: We've talked a lot on the blog about the counter-intuitive reality of becoming more aware of our sin, the more we grow in our faith. If you'd like to learn more, be sure to check out this post, this one, and this one here.)

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Sabbath Selfishness

Source: drawinghio.com

Ugh, what a day.

I walk in hungry after church into a cold house.

"Why is it so cold in here?  Isn't that why we have a smart thermostat in the first place--so it comes on before we come home and warms up the place?!," I rant.

The next thing out of my mouth goes something like this: "Kids, go wash your hands and sit at the table. Do NOT go upstairs!," as I slap sandwiches together alongside my husband.

As the four of us get settled around the table, my oldest daughter begins the process of picking up the kitchen.

"Come over here and SIT!  We are starving!," I spout.

Then she comes over and bursts into tears.  I shoo her away from the table, saying, "Nope.  Stop with the water works. We can't be around you like this."

Selfish.  Demanding. Angry. Graceless. And all this before I change out of my church clothes.

My husband and I go upstairs to change clothes.  I am still in a mood.  Turns out he is also in a mood, but of a different variety.  He mentions that there is something we could do to warm us up, if I am still cold, which does not involve the thermostat.

While he ducks into our walk-in closet to change out of his Sunday clothes, I throw on a frumpy sweatshirt and jeans, and slip out the bedroom door.

Mercy.  Oh, but it gets worse.

We go back to church later in the evening.  It runs over, and we find ourselves entering the kitchen around 7:30, starving, again.

I head to the stove and start to cook eggs, after I get out chicken salad from the fridge.  Again, I bark orders to the kids to wash their hands and sit promptly at the dinner table.

I find that my husband and son are hovering over me, as I fry up my eggs.

"Could you make me some, as well?," they ask.

I give them the stink eye.  Yeah, you know the one we mothers and wives are famous for.  My son sits down, and my husband offers to fry more eggs, after I sit down with mine.

We pray and eat.

After the meal, I wash up the dishes and ask the others to empty the dishwasher.  I am tired.  I start to rant again, this time about church.

How is this supposed to be the Sabbath and restful, and why are we going to this church programming, and does it really support our church's mission statement, and are the kids really getting Biblical training?  And on and on I spew...

And then I go upstairs and draw a hot bath and climb in.

And then I weep.

I weep over my sin, and my selfishness, and my ugly heart.

And I weep at how I can be this way, as a Christ-follower, and a church-goer, and a servant of Christ for THREE DECADES strong.

And my breath is taken away at not only how my husband has sacrifically loved me throughout the day, through multiple episodes of conflict and displays of outright selfishness, but also later when he takes me into his arms and physically and emotionally unites himself with me at the end of the day.

How can he stand to be around me?  How can he choose to love me like this?

It is a picture of Christ, and it brings me to ponder in a fresh way this whole process of sanctification--this process whereby we become more and more like Jesus.

What if sanctification looks a lot more like weakness and humility, than a "victorious" Christian life?

What if, by becoming more and more aware of our sin, we better understand our need for the righteous perfection of Christ?

What if, by failing over and over again, we grow to rely less on ourselves, and more on Jesus and the empowering of the Holy Spirit?

What if, because of our sinfulness and fleshly natures, our breath is taken away at how others can love us, and how Jesus loves us and will never forsake us?

We will be talking more about the process of sanctification in upcoming blog posts, but I'd like us to ponder this a bit today.

May we weep over our sin, but let us NEVER stop there.  May we go on to glory in how others, and especially Christ Himself, love us inspite of it!

Oh the grace!  The mercy!  The unconditional love!  The joy that is ours as imperfect, repentant sinners, in need of Christ's grace every minute of every day.  We will never deserve it.  We will never understand it.  But let us revel in the joy and freedom it offers us today!

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Training Our Dragons

Source: designbolts.com

It's been a few days since my last post because I've been processing.

I have been working my way chronologically through the Old Testament using this yearly plan, and I keep bumping into a common theme in the book of Judges.  And this theme makes me uncomfortable, quite frankly, because it forces me to look at the way I view the indwelling sin in my heart.

I have been reading through the books of Joshua and Judges, when the Israelites were entering into the Promise Land and taking over the region.  You see, God had instructed them to enter into this occupied land and conquer it, kingdom by kingdom, destroying or driving out all of the people and claiming it as their own, under His guidance and protection.  But instead of fully obeying this command, they frequently chose to take over the land and only kill some of the people.  Those who remained would become enslaved by them and forced to do labor for them.

Check it out with me in the first chapter of Judges:

"But Manasseh did not drive out the people of Beth Shan or Taanach or Dor or Ibleam or Megiddo and their surrounding settlements, for the Canaanites were determined to live in that land. When Israel became strong, they pressed the Canaanites into forced labor but never drove them out completely. Nor did Ephraim drive out the Canaanites living in Gezer, but the Canaanites continued to live there among them. Neither did Zebulun drive out the Canaanites living in Kitron or Nahalol, so these Canaanites lived among them, but Zebulun did subject them to forced labor.  Nor did Asher drive out those living in Akko or Sidon or Ahlab or Akzib or Helbah or Aphek or Rehob. The Asherites lived among the Canaanite inhabitants of the land because they did not drive them out.  Neither did Naphtali drive out those living in Beth Shemesh or Beth Anath; but the Naphtalites too lived among the Canaanite inhabitants of the land, and those living in Beth Shemesh and Beth Anath became forced laborers for them. The Amorites confined the Danites to the hill country, not allowing them to come down into the plain.  And the Amorites were determined also to hold out in Mount Heres, Aijalon and Shaalbim, but when the power of the tribes of Joseph increased, they too were pressed into forced labor."  Judges 1:27-35, emphasis mine

Although the Bible accurately records historical facts, I believe these passages also speak to spiritual matters, as well, which are occurring in my heart on a daily basis.

God commands us to have a "no tolerance" policy with the sin in our lives.  We are to battle and conquer the sin in our hearts, through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit, and gain victory over it, becoming more and more like Jesus.  We call this process of growing in holiness and becoming more like Jesus "sanctification."

"For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live."  Romans 8:13

But how many of us, instead of seeing our sin for what it is, confessing it, and repenting of it, merely seek to put it in a corner and try to "control" it?  My pastor has commented on the fact that so many of the people who seek him out for counseling merely want to manage their sin, instead of turn from it and forsake it.

Oh, how I do this in my own life!  For example, when my desire for more "stuff" rears its ugly head, I do not bow my knees and confess my sin of greed and discontentment to God.  Instead, I implement a monthly spending allowance to better "manage" my desire to shop and spend only on myself, for my personal pleasure or gain.

I see this truth in living color as I am reading about the Israelites, placing their enemies under forced labor, instead of annihilating them, or driving them out, like God commanded.  By tolerating these sinful people in their midst, they were tempted into idol worship which led to their eventual demise as a nation--the demolition of their Temple and their being taken away into a foreign land as exiles (see 1 and 2 Kings).

So how about you, dear friend?

Like me, are you tempted to merely "control" or "manage" the sin in your life (as if this were truly possible!)?

Or are you ready to do combat with it, putting it to death with the authority we have in Christ, as God commands us?

Will you join me in praying and considering this truth for our lives this week?

If you are interested in learning more about our propensity to try to "train our dragons" rather than slay them, I'd encourage you to read this post by the folks at Desiring God, and this one from the archives, as well!  May the Lord show us all His truth for our lives and our hearts as we humbly look at them in a fresh way today!

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Stepping Into the Light

Source: laurenpolly.com

Last time I posted, I talked about weeping over my son's sinful heart.

Today, I want to speak about how the Lord has prompted me, in recent months, to take a deeper look into my own sinful heart.

If there is anything that I have learned throughout my journey as a parent--as I try to disciple and train up my children--it is that whatever I am teaching them must always start with me.

Moses reminded God's people of this truth in Deuteronomy 6:6-7: "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts."  Only then does he go on to instruct them to, "impress them on your children." (emphasis mine)

Truth: God wants us to start with ourselves

My journey toward repentance started a few months ago, when the Holy Spirit began wooing me to slow down and really consider the times when I spoke harshly with my children.

These were always moments when I had previously felt justified to blame my irritation and anger on being tired, hungry, stressed, or see it as merely the inevitable outcome of all my children's "shenanigans."

It took a three-day weekend to really come to grips with my heart in a fresh way (catch that story here).

Since that time, I've looked deep into my heart and come to see myself as an angry person.  I have fought through my fear of stepping out into the fullness of God's light and becoming completely exposed.  I've been comforted by the reality that God already knows, He already sees, and yet, like the Father of the prodigal son, He runs to me, ready with a robe opened-wide, a ring to slip onto my finger, and a fattened calf to serve at the feast of celebration.

I've allowed this truth to seep down deep into my marrow of late: that repentance is truly a gift from God--a thing to be celebrated--and not a thing to put off or to fear.  I've allowed 2 Timothy 2:25-26 to wash over me afresh: "God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will."

I've basked in the realization that repentance is not only a divine gift, but a cause for true celebration!

"Without repentance, there is no real progress or improvement in life. Pretending there is no sin does not lessen its burden and pain. Suffering for sin does not by itself change anything for the better. Only repentance leads to the sunlit uplands of a better life. Only through repentance do we gain access to the atoning grace of Jesus Christ and salvation. Repentance is a divine gift, and there should be a smile on our faces when we speak of it. It points us to freedom, confidence, and peace. Rather than interrupting the celebration, the gift of repentance is the cause for true celebration." ---D. Todd Christofferson 

I can only thank God that I've become more willing to look into the mirror of His Word, take it to heart, and not walk away, conveniently forgetting what it has to say about my life.  I've seen anew that the law truly provides us with freedom, like James 1:23-25 states: "For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."

I've mediated upon scriptures about the power our words have, and the bad fruit that man's anger yields, and I've reached out to a few special people in my life to specifically pray over me as I step out and choose this pathway of repentance over my anger and irritation with my children.

Will I never utter another harsh or frustrated word to those whom I love?  I doubt it--as a sinner, I am sure I will fail on some level. But I know that a paradigm shift is happening deep within the recesses of my heart.  There is a knowing, a profound realization, what I can only describe as a repentant spirit, rising up within me.

Oh, how I praise God for His grace to pursue me in my sin and transform me from within!  It never ever ends, this side of Heaven, does it?  For repentance is not a one time thing, a threshold to be crossed as one enters the family of God.  Oh no--it is a continual process--a two-step rhythm--like breathing, or walking--consisting of repenting and believing, your whole life through!

So, now I must ask you, dear friend: How does your heart look...really?  Have you slowed down and taken the opportunity to gaze within its depths?  Is there an area of your life that beckons for you to deeply consider it at the heart level?  Is there a sinful attitude, thought, or action that you need to repentant of, and walk in victory over, today?  Oh, how I hope you will step into the light, alongside me, and let God's light penetrate deep into those crevices, so that you can be forgiven and healed!  It is truly a gift...and a reason to celebrate!

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How to Stop Growing in Christ

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My family and I had the pleasure of hosting our pastoral intern, Dae Kim, for dinner the other night.  In addition to subjecting him to a spirited game of Survive Escape from Atlantis (a game which is effective in showcasing the theological tenet of the depravity of man), we were able to learn more about the Korean church and life as a seminary student.

One of the profound things Dae mentioned about seminary came from one of his professors, outside of class.  He told us that this professor mentioned that in order to stop growing as a Christian, you need only to stop looking at your heart.

I have thought more about that truth in the days since our dinner with Dae, and it has resonated deeply with me.

You see, I have taught children a song in Vacation Bible School that goes like this:

"Read your Bible, pray everyday, pray everyday, pray everyday.  Read your Bible pray everyday, and you grow, grow, grow.  And you grow, grow, grow.  And you grow, grow, grow.  Read your Bible pray everyday, and you grow, grow, grow.

Don't read your Bible, forget to pray, forget to pray, forget to pray.  Don't read your Bible, forget to pray, and you shrink, shrink, shrink.  And you shrink, shrink, shrink.  And you shrink, shrink, shrink. Don't read your Bible, forget to pray, and you shrink, shrink, shrink."

And while there is truth in this, there is something missing.  Now, don't misunderstand me.  It is imperative that you read your Bible and pray regularly to grow in Christ.  And as we've discussed before, you absolutely need to grow in the context of a faith community, the church.  But I would submit to you that if we do not take the time to look at our hearts--to see our sin and confess it to the Lord--we will not grow in our faith.  Period.

In order to stop growing as a Christian, you need only to stop looking at your heart.

How about you, dear one?  Do you take the time out of your busy day, your busy week, your busy month, or even your busy year to look into your heart and consider the sin that needs to be confessed so you can grow in the Lord?  I readily admit that this is difficult for me!  It is too easy to keep reading my Bible, praying for my family and my immediate needs and concerns of the day, go to Bible study week-after-week, and not take the time to truly consider my heart.

So today, I'd like to challenge all of us to follow David's example, as he penned in Psalm 139:23-24

"Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts!
 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting!

Let's go there today, dear friend, and let us gaze into our hearts, knowing we stand as fully accepted and loved children of God.  Let us ask God to reveal to us our sin and our grievous ways and offer them up in confession and repentance before the throne of Him who is able to cleanse and restore us.  Because only in this way will we really grow in faith and love of God.

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The Power of Corporate Confession

Source: uribrito.com

Last night my family and I attended a church-wide prayer meeting at the encouragement of our pastor. This past Sunday, he had relayed to the congregation that the spiritual warfare he and the church was currently experiencing was at an all-time high.  He went on to tell us, tears streaming down his checks, that over these past six months, more bizarre and painful situations were occurring within the church, and amongst its families, than over his entire 8-year career as our senior pastor.  As a result, the elders of the church had quickly organized an impromptu prayer meeting, scheduled for a few nights later, and our pastor urged us all to make it a top priority.

When we pulled up to the church last night, the church parking lot was packed.  Families were streaming into the sanctuary, so much so that one of our pastoral interns had to go to the adjacent church office to make many more copies of the typed list of prayer items that were made available for everyone in the foyer.

What soon followed was simply...magical (if I can use such a term in reference to the church!).  In truth, it was other-worldly; a powerful movement of the Holy Spirit in our midst.

The prayer meeting started out innocuously enough, much as our Sunday service traditionally does: with a few praise songs, led by a guitarist, pianist, and vocal soloist.  Next our pastor walked up to the lectern and spoke briefly about the importance of prayer, using a quote from Oswald Chambers--something to the effect that prayer doesn't just equip us to do God's work: it IS the work.

Then he encouraged each of us to consider one attribute of God and share it aloud during our corporate time of prayer, as we stood together at our seats.  Various people shared about God's holiness, thanked Him for His sovereignty, His infinite love and grace, His forgiveness.  My soul was warmed as I heard the high-pitches and the deep tenors of voices of men and women, young and old alike.

After about 15 minutes of prayer, our pastor closed out this offering of praise and we settled back into our seats.  Next, an elder advanced to the podium and told us that we would be having a time of personal and corporate confession of our sins.  Now, this is not unusual for us to do on Sunday mornings--there is always a time of elder-led confession, but it is generally done using a prepared confessional prayer that is projected on the overhead screens--the elder reads it aloud, and we consent to it as we follow along in our hearts.  Then there are a few minutes afterwards of quiet time when you can confess your sins silently to God.

However, last night's time of confession was different.  Our elder instructed us to stand up where we were and confess our individual sins aloud to the group, as we felt led.  He told us we didn't have to tell everything (which elicited a few muffled chuckles from the group), but to confess our sins to God and one another...and he offered to go first.

So, we bowed our heads again, this time seated where we were, and our elder confessed to laziness--he confessed that when he comes home from work, he likes to enjoy a glass of wine and eat a handful of peanuts and read a book, and wants to be left alone and not be bothered.

And then tears just started streaming down my face.

Because I knew then that we were going there.

His confession was so specific, so humble and sincere, and involved a taboo subject such as alcohol (I've been in enough church circles that to many, imbibing, even in moderation, is seen as criminal).

And every bit of his confession was beautiful.

And as I futzed around for a Kleenex from my purse, dabbed my eyes, and prepared myself to share my own sin with my church body, I felt my husband reach for my hand and hold it close in his own.

And I felt nothing but love and warmth, NOT guilt and shame, from my family, from my church, and from my God.

After several others had the courage to share, I was moved to confess my own sin of raising my voice, yelling at those nearest-and-dearest to my heart, and not showering them with patience, gentleness, and kindness like God instructs me to do with those entrusted to my care.

I can't quite express to you what it was like to be in that room that night, with eyes closed and heads bowed, hearing children confess to disobeying parents; hearing grown men confess to struggling with the fear of man--worrying about their performance and what others might think of them, instead of fearing God;  hearing various confessions of impatience, greed, anger, pride, lust, and many, many more.  We confessed as a congregation to being complacent and not looking outside into the community with compassion and love.  However, all I can say is that it was sooo good and healing, and I've never loved my church family more.

I think the lie that Satan offers to us is that guilt and shame are all bound-up with confession.  The shackles of fear--the fear of man, especially--prevent us from confessing our sin corporately.

However, dear friend, I would submit to you that it is just the opposite!  How freeing it was to confess my sin within the context of a redemptive, faith community!

And it is transformative.

You see, in Bible times, corporate confession did not happen often, but when it did happen, it forever changed the hearts of God's people and the trajectory of their nation (and later, the Church).

The longer I am a Christian, and as I attend more and more churches as a result of all our moves, the more I am convinced that the Spirit is most at work in the place where confession and repentance occur.  It is not in the church programming, sound theological views, and fellow-shipping (although it can be)--no, it is where sin is repented of and confessed.

And where the Spirit is, there is LIFE and all that precious fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

So what about you, dear one?  Have you considered the power of corporate confession in your life and in the life of your church?  If you want to explore this topic further, I'd encourage you to check out this and this and this previous blog post and explore the Scriptures they proclaim.  I assure you, you will not be the same after you take the time to search your heart and confess your sin in the context of biblical community!

“Prayer does not fit us for the greater work; prayer is the greater work.”  --Oswald Chambers

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My Twenty-Dollar Call to Obedience

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You know how I confided a few posts back that I have been forgetting my first love?  Well, one of those "worldly weeds" that have been choking out my faith and focus recently has been over-spending on myself.

Oh, it started out innocently enough--celebratory, really.  I had worked hard for several months trying to conquer a fear of mine, a phobia actually, and was making huge strides.  It was high time, back in June, to celebrate and splurge for that full-body, one-hour massage.

Nice.

Then in July, I treated myself to some--okay, a lot of--crafting supplies to fuel my long-time papercrafting and cardmaking hobby.  I hadn't splurged in that department for some time, I reasoned.

And then came a windfall of new clothes, purchased during a rare opportunity to shop in peace, sans kids, while they were away at summer camp.  Clothes are a need, right?!

Next came several Amazon shipments of good-quality books and journals for the kids and I (okay, mostly me) to enjoy as our school year began--I mean, as a homeschooling family, these are downright essential items, and don't I need to pursue my own "professional development"?!

And so, this month, I finally took the opportunity to sit down and try to get a better handle of why our family has continued to miss the mark of our budgeting goals.

And when I sat down with a calculator and added up all that I had spent on myself each month, and compared it to what I had budgeted to spend on myself each month, I regrettably came to a glaring reality:

I have twenty-bucks to spend on myself for the remainder of this calendar year.

Ugh.

And I'll be honest, much to my shame, this just feels like an impossibly pathetic amount.

I mean, my kids are accruing more money than that in their spending accounts, as they save their weekly allowances and tooth fairy money!  (In their defense, however, they are master savers! They earn approximately $3 per week, and $1 per tooth, and somehow, they have spending money amounts in the $20 to $30 dollar range...they must get that ability to save from their father!)

But ultimately, this issue goes beyond dollars and cents, does it not?

This is ultimately an issue of my heart.

And I realize that the situation I am in--this call to rein in my wants, to be self-controlled and faithful to this task of simple obedience--is hardly a sacrifice to the vast majority of people on this planet.  I mean, I live in a nice home, drive a nice car, have plenty of food and clothing, and all my needs are abundantly met.

And so, I take this theoretical twenty-dollar bill and lay it at the foot of the cross.  While my heart wants to pray for a fishes-and-loaves transformation, I know where my real need lies:

radical heart transformation

Now, I share all of this with you because perhaps you, like me, often over-indulge yourself with material things and you seek out comfort at all cost.  Perhaps you, like me, need to take some time to reevaluate--to assess the situation of your heart and home, budget, and time--and ultimately, to look deep down into your heart and repent.

Are you over-spending on material wants and pleasures, like me?  Consider a spending freeze, like Lisa Whittle discusses on this blog post.  Unlike my seemingly impossible task of spending only twenty bucks between now and the end of the year, she successfully went on a personal spending freeze for a year, and it changed her life(!!).

Will you hold me accountable on this journey, dear friend?  We can't do this obedience thing alone.  We need each other--to hold each other accountable and cheer one another on.  Fortunately, we are in good company, and God has provided a host of fellow brothers and sisters to walk this journey of faith together.  I am thankful for Lisa and her example, and I am thankful for the examples of my husband and children.

May we ALL answer the call of obedience, in the big and the small ways, right here, right now.  I am not so certain how my spending budget will turn out by the year's end, but this thing I know: while I feel weak and incapable, He is able!

"He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it!"  1 Thessalonians 5:24

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Just Plain Ugly

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 “One of the biggest sources of conflict between you and your kids is 

when they refuse to bow down to your idols.”  
--Dan Allender

I stand on the precipice of a holiday weekend and am in a serious state of prayer and reflection over my heart and soul.

Why you might ask?

Well, because three-day weekends historically get a little crazy up in our household.

Let me explain.

You see, on the last holiday weekend we observed, Labor Day I believe it was, my family was in a state of serious upheaval.  I was yelling at the kids, acting mean and hateful to my husband, and storming through the house while my kids were in tears.

Needless to say, it was not a pretty picture.

Let me take a brief moment to fill you in on some backstory...

You see, I am a neat-and-tidy person, and, if I am honest with myself, I take great pride in this fact.  (Um, can we say sinful heart?)  In truth, I love it when my friends comment about how clean and organized my house is, despite the fact that we homeschool three little (okay, not-so-little-anymore) kids. Let me put it to you this way: here are a couple of snapshots of some areas of my home taken just moments ago...

   

Yeah...you get the idea.

Now, enter three VERY energetic, creative, and crazy kids onto the scene.

I'll be frank--there are many, many times in my life when I feel like their sole purpose here on Earth is to make my life messy.  Things that should be simple--like getting in the car to go run an errand--are not simple.  The kids are constantly interested in art projects like pottery wheels and splatter painting (both of which occur indoors, much to my chagrin).

Their rooms often look like a Lego factory exploded.  Two of my kiddos looooove to collect random "trinkets" (they call them treasures, I call them trash)--little bits and babbles they find on the floor of Lowe's or by the side of the road. And don't even get me started about their clothing!  Even though I lay neat piles of folded laundry on their beds for them to put away, when I take a peek inside their dresser drawers, it looks as though their clothes had a disco party into the wee hours of the night: socks are canoodling with shorts, shirts are inside out (can't they put dirty clothing in the hamper!?), sweaters and sweatshirts (which ought to be on hangers) are balled up in a wad.  My son's idea of Sunday morning dress shoes are Crocs repaired with duct-tape.

Sigh.

Now, since the kids know enough to clean their rooms intermittently in order to earn their weekly allowance, I try my best throughout our typical weekdays to overlook a lot of the mess.  I try to be understanding when they pull out their ENTIRE collection of Barbies, Lego bricks, or stuffed animals when they play.  I try to step over the couch-cushion forts in the name of "encouraging creativity."  In short, I try hard not to be the nagging mother who constantly harps on her kids to be as neat-and-clean as I choose to live.

However, what I have gotten into the habit of doing (as my dear husband has recently, and very graciously, pointed out) is waiting until I have parental backup--aka, those holiday weekdays when Daddy is home--to really lay down the law in the house so that the kids will clean up their rooms to my standards.  Unconsciously figuring that my husband will back me up, I have chosen those particular days to up the ante--asking the kids to purge their closets and desk drawers, go through all their papers, and pile up their clothes and toys for donation.

And you don't have to have a gifted imagination to picture how well THAT goes over with everyone involved...

Let's just say, the biblical term "weeping and gnashing of teeth" can suffice.

And when the kids start to whine and complain and dig in their heels, I fight back with a fury.  I raise my voice, stomp around the house barking orders, threaten them with trash bags (if you don't clean things up, I will!), and then I get frustrated when my husband doesn't throw some elbows and get into the fight, too.

It is just plain ugly.

And now, how did I descend into that awful place?  I know that as a Christian, I serve a God of order and beauty.  And I know that an orderly, clean home can honor Him and provide peace and sanctuary for my entire family.  However, when I see order and neatness as no longer a good thing, but as an ultimate thing, I start to treat that as an idol.  I bow down and worship that false god and then all of that ugly ensues.  You see, in all those moments of just.plain.ugly, I am not upholding the beauty of God's law in my household.  No, I have morphed into a tyrant, wielding the unrealistic expectations of my own law.

In truth, what ultimately angers me in those ugly situations is that my kids refuse to bow down and worship the idol of my own choosing: neatness, cleanliness, organization, control, you name it.  In those moments of crazy, I see fit to sacrifice peace, love, joy, and unity in my household upon the alter of neat and clean.

And, let me just tell you, my only recourse in those moments of idolatry is to just fall to my knees and repent.  First to God, and then to those nearest and dearest to my heart in my home.

Oh, how glad I am that I serve a gracious God who forgives me, and then forgives me, and then forgives me again!  A God full of hope and strength and mercy and love.  A God who loves this prodigal child a million times over.  And I am doubly blessed to have a family who forgives me and  loves me in spite of all my faults and failings.

How about you, dear friend?  What idols do you serve that cause your anger to flair when your friends and family don't stop what they are doing and bow down to it, too?  Perhaps you worship the god of comfort.  Or quiet.  Or convenience.  Or control.  Have you seen how ugly it is when you sacrifice what God desires for your family upon those alters of idolatry?  Like me, do you need to confess and turn back to your one and true first love?  Oh, I hope that you do!  For what joy and unity is ours for the taking when we confess to our idol worship and serve God alone!

**To learn more about the idolatry in your heart, I'd heartily recommend reading the books Idols of the Heart by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Counterfeit Gods by Tim Keller.  For a quick survey on the subject and to help you identify your own idols, check out this helpful blog post by Jennifer Phillips HERE.

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First Love

Photo credit: trinitycollegebristol.ac.uk

I told my husband the other day that I am feeling pretty soft these days.

Now, I wasn't necessarily talking about my mid-section (sadly, the adjective soft would actually apply, as I have been neglecting any semblance of core exercising recently).

No.  I was talking about my faith.

My life is in a pretty good place, by all outward appearances, right now.  My family and I are healthy.  We have enjoyed recent camping trips and outings to the county fair.  We are doing well in homeschool and branching out into two new ministries this fall.

And while every day (especially raising children!!) requires a measure of faith in Jesus and perseverance, I just feel like the loves of my heart are getting out of order.

Let me put it to you this way...

I long for snuggle time, reading a book together with the kids, more than I desire to curl up with Jesus and mine His Word and pray.

I am finding that my spending money is constantly tapped out, being spent on craft supplies, books, and clothes for myself.

I wake up, more excited to see the number on the scale as I track my weight loss efforts, than I do to meet my husband in the living room to pray before he heads out for work.

It just seems the wants and luxuries of this world have crept into my heart, and are directing my mind and my checkbook lately.

Ugh.

God's Word speaks to this condition because, as we can all relate to at one time or another, it truly is not uncommon for us believers to get our priorities all out of wack.

In the Parable of the Sower, we see God warn us of the "weeds" of wealth and worldly cares that choke out the seed of God's word in our hearts:

"As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful."  Matthew 13:22

He also speaks about this at the end times, when he is chastising the church in Ephesus for forgetting their true love.  Their's was a church of sound theology, diligent work, and committed service, but no lasting true love-relationship with the Lord.

“‘I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent."  Revelation 2:2-5 (emphasis mine)

But, fortunately, there is hope!

God speaks to the prescription for this in his passage in Revelation:

Repentance.

When we confess our sinful heart and its waywardness and run to the Lord for forgiveness, He is faithful to forgive us and restore us.

That is my prayer today.

How about you, dear friend?  When you consider how you've spent your money, time, and thoughts this past week or month, have they been Christ-centered and Kingdom focused, or do they speak more to the Kingdom of Self?  Will you join me as we bend our knees to the One who deserves all of our praise, and all of our heart?  Oh, I do hope you do!  And may we relish in our first true love as we start out our week today.

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The Sticky Sermon

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God's Word is sticky, is it not?

You know, it gets ALL up in yo' beez-nuss.

It meddles.

It creeps down deep into your consciousness and just stirs.things.up.

Of course, this is a good thing.  In fact, this is a very loving and gracious thing purposed by our Heavenly Father.

But it is an uncomfortable thing.

And, if you're anything like me, we all like our comfort.

Take the Sermon on the Mount, for example.

Oh, do not even get me started on this one.

After making my way through the minor prophets in my drop.dead.gorgeous She Reads Truth Bible, I innocently kept sailing along right into the book of Matthew.

Chaper 1--genology.  Kind of a snoozer, but it goes by fast.

Chapter 2--Christmas story.  Hmmmm...warm fuzzies.

Chapter 3,4--John the Baptist, Jesus's baptism, calling disciples.  I got this.

Chapter 5-7.  Heaven help me.

And there it was: suddenly the cruise control disengaged and I came coasting to a dead stop.

Stuck.  (Yep, and I was on vacation, too!)

I don't care who you are, or how long you've been a Christian: the Sermon on the Mount will get you every.single.time.

Oh, it seems so simple.  But it is positively diabolical as it will set up ticking little explosives down deep into your heart and bust it wide-open.

Love your enemies.
Rejoice during persecution.
Turn the other cheek.
If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away.
If someone sues you for the coat off your back, give them your cloak, too.
If you speak ill of someone, you've murdered them.
If you lust, you've already committed adultery.

Okay people, now just listen.

This is a part of Scripture where you cease to feel like God's friend and you realize just how other God truly is when compared with you.

It can feel comfortable to be a Christian after believing for decades and darkening the halls of the church all of your life.  And do not misunderstand me--it is good, and even necessary, to understand who we are in Christ and stand in this identity when we do battle with the enemy.

But lest we get toooooo comfortable, may we never forget that we are very different from God, and it is only by His grace that He reveals His truth and His laws to us and that He gives us the ability to follow His Word in obedience.

And so, just like when you plant your tennis shoe smack-dab in the middle of chewing gum left out on the sidewalk, I am sitting down on this metaphorical curb, trying my best to deal with Matthew chapters 5-7.

....looking around for that stick to scrap it off.

....asking God what He'd have me learn and do.

....taking time out from my brisk walk, because suddenly that doesn't seem so important anymore.  Nope.  Now's the time to get to digging and scraping and allowing the Holy Spirit to clean me up so I can get back on that track.

What about you, dear friend?  Have you felt the stickiness of God's Word in your life today?  This week?  This month?  Are you digging in, going deep? Oh, even though it can be uncomfortable, I hope you do, dear one!!  I hope you wrestle, for as Jacob knows, that is where the true blessing lies!!

Need some direction?

Well, look no further than Matthew 5-7.

I tell you what...it will get you every time.

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Graves of Craving

Photo source: takebackyourtemple.com

Yesterday, I thought I'd be able to slip past a little Bible story unscathed as I was reading it to the children over breakfast.

It seemed to be a little harmless section of text, buried in Numbers chapter 11, where God's people are complaining about eating manna every day and wishing they were back in Egypt so they could eat meat, fish, and vegetables.

But God knocked me over with TWO of His precious principles during this story and cut.me.to.the.core friends.

Isn't that just God's way?  To use a basic children's devotional to bring us adults to our knees!?

You too are probably familiar with this story: the Israelites complain about always eating manna and want to eat meat, sooooo God provides them with a boat-load of manna until it is coming out of their nostrils.  End of story (or so I thought).

Well, what first made a deep impression upon me in this passage is how mightily and definitively God provides.  He provides abundantly.  In His time.  In His way.  And He does it to ultimately reveal the loves of our hearts.

The Scripture tells us that God sent out a wind that drove quail in from the sea, which resulted in 3-feet deep of quail, as far as the eye could see in every direction (see Numbers 11:4-34).  Now that is a LOT of quail!

You see, if God wills it, it will show up.

Are you worried that you won't find a job, get into your school of choice, have enough money to cover the bills?  God will provide, dear one.  If He wills it, He will bring it in; He will make it happen.  He governs all.  I can just see all these crazy birds being swept up in a wind from all the far-reaches of the planet, landing in that one spot.  A-maz-ing.  Is there anything our God cannot do??

But that is not all God had to teach me from this story!

As we keep reading, we see the Israelities going out, night and day, gathering up the quail, which causes God's anger to burn against them and He strikes them with a severe plague.

What!  Hold up!  Why?  Why is God angry with them?  Didn't He provide them with the quail to be eaten?

Ahhhh...but we must dig down to the heart level, just like God always does. Just like with the manna, it seems as though the people were trusting in themselves again.  Relying upon their own efforts to gather and store crazy large amounts (the least amount listed in the scriptures would be the equivalent of 60 laundry baskets full!!), instead of resting in God's provision with thankfulness and joy.  And as we've discussed before, God's anger always has a redemptive purpose, to bring them back into a right relationship with Him.

And so the Scripture tells us that this place was named Kibroth Hattaavah "because there they buried the people who had craved other food." (Numbers 11: 34)

Now, what does "Kibroth Hattaavah" mean in the Hebrew language?

Graves of craving.

And there you have the second principle that just knocked me down and took the wind right out of me yesterday.

Can you see yourself in this story?  I know I do! Craving, striving, storing, working for the things that I ought to trust God to provide.

Oh, how my heart craves all sorts of crazy things that distract me from the Lord!

Clothes, make-up, jewelry, craft supplies, rich food--why, just yesterday, my heart was craving cleaning supplies, for crying out loud!! (in my defense, Norwex just launched their new fall catalog and ooh my, those new colored cleaning cloths were just so.on.trend!)

Lawd, have mercy.

Hey friend--today--let's you and me climb out of our grave of craving today and find satiation in God alone.

Let us bow down before God Almighty and tell Him how much we love Him, need Him, want Him...and only Him...today.

Let us confess the sickness of our hearts, of our western materialistic-consumeristic culture, that demands we "need" brighter, better, newer things.

Let us marvel at God's amazing provision, with awe and wonder.

I don't know about you, but I do NOT want to "live" in a grave of craving.  Oh no. I want to truly live and run in the strength of God's power to sustain and nourish my soul.  

Will you join me?

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Jonah's Wayward Heart

Photo source: biblestudytools.com

The story of Jonah haunts me.

It is a message for the church--for all of us self-professed God-followers--whose minds are packed with theology, yet whose thoughts and actions prove otherwise.

This book teaches us about the far-reaching, mind-boggling sovereignty of God: the wind and waves obey Him, He summons a fish, a plant and worm do His bidding--and yet, the only person in the story that does not follow God's clearly given instructions is a preacher--oh, the irony!!

This book shows us how deluded we God-followers can be: to arrogantly assume we can flee from the presence of God--HA!--and live in ways that stand diametrically opposed to what we say we believe.  This is seen best in chapter 1, verse 9, when Jonah is answering the fear-stricken sailors in the middle of a storm about who he is:

"I am a Hebrew, and I fear the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land."

Oh, really, Jonah?  You say you fear the Lord, and yet you bolt and run in the opposite direction of God's command to go to Ninevah, boarding a boat headed to Tarshish??  And yet, a few verses later, we see the pagans, after hurling Jonah into the sea and watching the storm become still, offer up sacrifices to the Lord and making vows.  Scripture states "then the men feared the Lord exceedingly" (1:16). Who is truly fearing God here?  Can we God-followers truly be this delusional?!

This story makes me uncomfortable with God's anger.  Why are innocent sailors brought into the storm of God's wrath?  And yet, when I look closer at God's anger, I see a redemptive purpose here.  If God were unleashing His fury on a wayward Jonah just to punish him, the story of Jonah would end after the first chapter: prophet disobeys God, God sends a horrific storm to teach him a lesson, and Jonah is no more.

Instead, we see the grace of God and His redemptive purposes peppered throughout this story.  With phrases like "But God" and "a second time," we see that God seeks to not only redeem Jonah, the Hebrew prophet, but also pagan sailors and a pagan city (including all its inhabitants as the cattle are mentioned, too!).  Grace and wrath kiss--a storm comes, but so does salvation in the form of a big fish.  A rebellious prophet is given a second chance.  Pagans are told about God's impending judgement and repent.  Grace and mercy abounds.

But here is where I truly get uncomfortable with the story of Jonah: you see, Jonah runs from God's mission, not because of fear (after all, the Assyrian empire, of which Ninevah was a hub, was ruthless) but because of his self-professed bigotry.  Jonah believes that God should be gracious to his own Hebrew people, but not to other people groups.  Jonah clearly states the reason why he ran away from God's instruction in chapter 4:2-3:

“O Lord, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country? That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster. Therefore now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live.” 

The only time we see Jonah wanting to die is NOT when he is in the belly of the fish, but when God desires to show compassion to Ninevah if they repent from their sins.  Wow.  I am left speachless.  A few verses later, we see that Jonah literally cared more about the death of a plant (which ensured his personal ease and comfort) than he did about the perishing of sailors in a storm or an "exceedingly great" city like Ninevah.

How can we not cringe?  Is this how base our hearts are as believers of God?

I squirm when I see pagans care about people perishing, praying for deliverance (ship captain) or repenting (Ninevah's king) for even the hope of rescue from God's judgement (see 1:6 and 3:9), and yet the Hebrew prophet can only thank God for rescuing him in the belly of the fish (see 2:9).

But I cannot stand apart and look upon Jonah with judgement.  No, in this book, if I am truly honest with myself, I am confronted with the waywardness of my own heart.

• I do not have the heart of God.
• My confessional theology, what I say I believe, can stand worlds apart from my functional theology, how I choose to think, and act, and live.
• I misunderstand the anger of God, seeing it as punitive and not redemptive and salvific.
• I am consumed with my personal salvation, ease, and comfort.
• I do not extend compassion to those who are lost.
• I see how misplaced my anger can be!

And yet, the fact that we have Jonah's story speaks to the tremendous potential of spiritual growth and redemption.  Jonah had to have told his story to someone (or penned it himself) for only he would be able to tell of being in the belly of a fish.  He had to have chosen to paint himself in this horrible light of rebelliousness and bigotry.  Perhaps he is offering up his story for us, with all its rawness and reality, for us to learn from and ask ourselves what we would do in his shoes.  After all, chapter four closes with a question that just hangs out here, as it if waits for us to answer it...

"And the Lord said, 'You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?'”

How about you, dear one?  Do you pity the plant or do you care for the people?  Do you have the heart of God?  Do you see God's wrath as restorative and redemptive?  Let us search our hearts, dear friend, as we look at Jonah's heart and life.  As we truthfully offer up our hearts as they really are, God is faithful to forgive and refine and replace our hearts of stone with a heart of flesh! (see Ezekiel 36:26)

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Fueling Our Unbelief

Photo source: joddi-jay.com

We talked about the work of the believer--believing--in the last blog post.  Believing is hard work, is it not?!  It seems so straightforward and simple really, but we all struggle at some level believing who we are and who God says He is, even on a daily, or moment-to-moment, basis.

Today I wanted to talk a bit about the ways we fuel our unbelief.  Now, I am convinced that many times we do this unintentionally and unawares; however, if we are truly honest with ourselves, there are many times we do choose to cling to sin and to lies, and we fuel our unbelief in God and His promises (or at least we try to manage our sin and make it work for us).  Why do we do this?  Well, part of it is our fleshly nature; part of it is because, apart from the Holy Spirit's working in our hearts, we are hopelessly deceived and ignorant.  Whatever the reason, we need to wake up to the things that fuel our unbelief.

The writer of Hebrews talks about these things at the very start of the twelfth chapter:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,  looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (v. 1-2)

The metaphor comparing the running of a race to the life of a Christian is used in several places throughout the New Testament, especially in Paul's epistles.  In this passage, what are some of the things that equip the runner to run well (aka, the Christian to live well)? 

• realizing they are not alone
• laying aside every weight
• laying aside sin 
• running with endurance
• looking to Jesus

A few interesting things pop off the page to me as I read this passage.  First, this entire process of running the race, or living the Christian life, and doing it well, is accomplished only in the context of community.  We see that right out of the gate: "since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses."  We must go back a chapter, to Hebrews chapter 11 to see who these "witnesses" are: they are the faith-filled God followers that lived by faith and not by sight, who were persecuted and yet stood firm and were even martyred.  Our modern-day churches are filled with these witnesses, and so we must grow and live and flourish within the community of our churches.  As it has been said before: there are no Lone Ranger Christians!

Second, scripture tells us that we must lay aside EVERY weight and sin.  It is interesting to me that weights and sins are listed separately.  While it could be argued that sin does weigh us down, apparently other things do, too; even morally good or morally neutral things can be weights in our lives!  What are some of these weights?  Let me offer a few: being too busy, fear (although some fears can be sinful), distractions, family (one of the reasons Paul encourages the single life, if possible) and countless others.  I think weights can look differently to different people, so we ought to be prayerful as we come before God, asking Him to reveal to us the weights in our lives from which we need to be freed.  I also find it interesting how sin is described in this passage: "sin which clings so closely."  As we've discussed before, sin dwells within us in our flesh and is inescapable this side of Heaven.  (It is imperative to note, however, that while sin is present, it no longer wields its power over us as Christians).  I'd encourage you and I to prayerfully ask the Lord to reveal to us any sin in our lives so that we can confess it, repent of it, and lay it aside.

Third, running with endurance is running to serve, and serve well.  In order to not repeat myself, I will refer you to this post about this particular point.

Lastly, we run and look to Christ Himself, who established for us an example by enduring the cross for the joy of Heaven that was set before Him.  Again, we talked about fixing our eyes on Him in this post so I'd encourage you to check that one out, as well.  I firmly believe that "looking to Jesus" involves knowing God's Word, too, so check out this post as time allows.

So, how exactly do we do this--how do we lay aside our weights and sins and run with endurance, looking to Jesus?  Well, the good news is that we are not alone--the Holy Spirit helps us!!

How does the Holy Spirit help us?

He teaches us God's truth (John 14:26)
He reminds of us who we are in Christ (John 14:26)
He gives us the words to pray, when we are unable to pray (Romans 8:26)
He empowers us, comforts us, and seals us with Christ (Acts 9:31, Ephesians 1:13)

I love how the missionary and teacher Barbara Bancroft put it: "The Holy Spirit reminds us everyday that we stand in a gracious place."

Oh, how I pray that the Spirit would remind you, and me, of all these things today, dear one, as He strengthens and equips us to lay aside every weight and sin and run the race God has called us to!

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